Small + God = Strength

At some point in my life at a young age I began to think of myself as someone small. Very small and insignificant - not making an impact of any kind. I felt I was always in the way and more of a bother than a happy presence to others.

When I married the first time these feelings only intensified as unhealthy situations and environments continued to multiply. Think of the ant beneath your feet. The one thoughtlessly stepped on with no regard as to how the ant felt as the foot covered over it just before it was squished. As if it had no purpose. I felt I was that ant.

I went on many years feeling this way. I tried to be happy as the small ant with no glaring purpose. Then a new job came into my life. Change started to happen and I slowly came out of my small. I became big at work. Big with my daughter and left what made me small. I made myself big.

Who do you want to be?

I made myself the new Rachel in an almost arrogant way. I proudly spent the new money I’d earned. Not just as I had before. I made new standards of living and was able to keep up. I felt accomplished. I thanked God for what I had, but very proudly. I gave God about 50% credit for the good that had come upon my life. I tithed more out of obligation because the Bible said to. I wanted to tell Him thanks and give back to what I had been given, but I did so with a prideful heart.

I had become too big.

I loved God. I walked with Christ and welcomed the Holy Spirit, but not wholeheartedly. I was so big and proud of what I’d done and accomplished, I was blinded to those I was now stepping on. I was no longer the ant and treated others as if they were. I was blinding to those I was stepping on. Although I knew what it felt like to be the ant, I had the boots on. I was doing the stomping both in my work and personal life.

The wake up call was convicting. It came slowly and in many different situations. When I lowered myself, I began to see my wrong doing more clearly. It hurt. I felt guilty. I wished I could reverse time and treat others different. Obviously this was an unrealistic desire so I had to move forward differently. Treating others with respect and regard to their feelings.

I needed to become small again so God could be the big in me.

Sometimes I can worship in church and feel so small. The small now is different. It feels good. This small doesn’t hurt and leave a worry pit of nothingness within me. It intensifies the Holy Spirit. It reminds me of how big God’s love is no matter what is going on in my circumstances. I feel like Julie Andrews on top of the mountain in The Sound of Music. She seems so small in the beauty surrounding her.

In the small, I feel the big God within me. I am small in God’s big story, but my Godly impact can be as big as I allow. In all I do, I try to live out God’s love running through my veins. God has been faithful to me even at my most foolish moments. God deserves my everything because He never stops amazing me and never gets boring. My Heavenly Father is worth my time, dedication and focus.

My Faith Painted Heart belongs to God Almighty because of His faithfulness, not mine. I can’t do it on my own. I needed the Holy Spirit to shift my views and thoughts in a different and more Godly direction. I needed the Word of God soaking into my soul. And I needed conversation time with God to confess, ask for forgiveness, discuss my desires and request guidance because my new desires seemed foreign.

So what makes you too big? Let God make you small so you can be big in His name.

God today the prayer is simply complicated. We pray the Holy Spirit and your Word would open our eyes to what we do not see. Help us to see what needs to change. Erase the guilt. Take the shame. Please wash us clean with your grace as we ask for forgiveness and guide us down the path You designed for us. Thank you for loving us despite our wrongdoing. Thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name we pray. Amen.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. And, love your neighbor as yourself. –Luke 10:27 (NLT)

Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. -2 Timothy 2:15 (NLT)

Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. –James 1:17 (NLT)

Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. –Matthew 6:19-21 (NLT)

Hold My Hand

Friday afternoon we returned home after a week in Disney World. When we landed, I learned my mom had been sick while I was away which focused my attention back to upcoming doctor appointments for my grandparents. Potential results brought on anxieties and worries I did not want. Even though it felt great to be home, I was not comfortable with reality catching up so quickly. I wanted to get back on a plane to escape the stress and sadness of the real world before me. The next day I was tired from being on autopilot from a busy time when tears filled my eyes immediately upon receiving the message of my uncle’s death.

Since I knew there was no plane ticket with my name on it, I picked up the phone again to text my aunt. I typed probably a dozen different messages only to delete them all. What do you say to someone who just lost a husband? I said a little prayer and put my phone down for a bit. Moments later I typed and hit send.

“Remember God’s holding your hand through this all.”

My aunt answered right away and said, “Yes he is. He answered my prayers to end the suffering.” I read the words again and thanked God she was able to see Him though the saddest time in her life.

I did not know the magnitude of God’s presence in my aunt’s story until I visited her the following day. She pulled me aside and told me her compelling conversation with God.

“I held my hands in the air to God and asked Him to end his suffering.”

Think about the amount of faith a person has to have to pray those words out loud. She knew there was no magic pill or any healing that would end his suffering. She was praying for the Lord Jesus to take her beloved home. And God did.

“I went back inside to be by his side. Our son sat in that chair and I laid here in front of his bed. After we talked for a couple of hours I fell asleep. When I woke up, his oxygen mask was pushed off his face and he was ice cold. God took him in his sleep and he is pushing through those pearly gates without any suffering.”

My aunt told me the story with a smile I can only describe as a faith smile as I hung on to her every word. Not that she was joyous over his passing or because I did not know the outcome of the story, but I was inspired by her outward peace and surety of her answer to prayer during what is known to be a difficult time. I could see the God inside of her grow larger than life itself. I was astonished to witness the Godly peace within her as she mourned the loss a life very dear to her.

Somehow I am still surprised when I am amazed by God. You would think I get used to Him being so awesome and effective, but stories like this have a way of sticking to me like plaster on a repaired wall. God heard her desperation with her arms reached to the heavens. God held her hand as He took her husband home.

Even in our darkest moments,
God shines His light down on us.

Seeing her Faith Painted Heart reminded me life is going to throw curve balls to make things messy and tempt us to run away, but God is everlasting and will see us through it all. He has this way of shining His light in such a majestic way at just the right time – so perfectly it is almost unexplainable.

My aunt chose to reach out and hold God’s hand and I will be praying she doesn’t let go so she can rely on His strength through her mourning process. God transformed my aunt and uncle’s suffering into beautiful steps of faith followed by answered prayer like a story from the Bible.

We can learn from faithful people like my aunt.  We need examples to inspire us, pick us up and hold us tight as we take our next steps of faithfulness. Faith does not equal easy. It is hard to remain faithful when our prayers seem to go unanswered or our circumstances continue to escalate despite our prayers. Often times we shake our fists at God to wonder why someone would grow so ill because it is hard to understand that which we cannot see.

Despite her human emotion, my aunt was audaciously faithful in her prayers to God. I pray you too would be audacious in your prayers to pray like Jesus. Ask God to hold your hand as opposed to getting lost in the why. Embrace your now. God can grow within you to far exceed your expectation and desires. Focus your heart and mind on God’s ways –not your own. God knows the future when we only dream of the future. Let Him lead you to righteousness and embrace the rich blessings of God.

So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ. –Romans 10:17 (NLT)

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold – though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. -1 Peter 1:7 (NLT)

And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for. 

-1 John 5:14-15 (NLT)

But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love. -Jude 1:20-21 (NLT)

Eat Your Veggies

When my son was a baby, I made his baby food and thought getting him to eat veggies would be a piece of cake. I was so wrong. For years he has refused to eat them, but turning another year older, my husband and I knew it was time for him to step up to the big boy plate. I knew it would be a challenge to incorporate the simplest veggies into his diet, but I had no idea how difficult until this past week.

Eat Your Veggies

He could have cared less if I put cheese, butter or sugar on them. It didn’t matter if he helped pick them out or cook them. Adding veggies to his favorite dish only made him hate his favorites. No matter what we tried, he down right refused each offer. Along with the refusal to eat veggies came attitude, disrespect, defiance and a child we were unaccustomed to parenting creating a tension filled environment. It was so stressful, my husband and I were ready to give up after day one.

On day three, I found myself praying what seemed to be a silly prayer. Dear Lord, help him eat these veggies. I am exhausted! On day six, we were completely depleted, leaving us with no patience and lacking ideas. At this point, we hated veggies more than our five year old, but we had to stick with finding something that worked or shred our decent parent cards.

With so much bad behavior stemming from vegetables, I had no choice but to dish out punishment as well. When I took just one of his most precious toys away, he did not even blink an eye creating huge punishments never before dealt in our home.

My prayers continued and did not seem so silly anymore.

Father, help me to be the mother he needs to grow into the man you designed him to be. Lord, help him to learn about how to make good decisions and see how they impact his life.

I continued to pray with Jacob each night about vegetables and attitude and let him know I was praying for him every day. While praying through the situation, I realized there was more to this phase than just eating vegetables. He needed to learn no matter the situation, he was not to act with attitude and defiance. He needed to experience how decisions he made affect the way other people react to him. He needed to comprehend how the extra things in life, like toys, do not come with bad decisions. This was a new opportunity to teach him good verses bad.

Thankfully our schedule cleared from a busy week and I was able to stay home with Jacob. Sunday was the day nothing but vegetables would be offered.  After church, I came home alone with him. He was hungry and in a bad mood coupled with an atrocious attitude. Not only did he not get offered any food other than vegetables, I ignored him and explained it was because he had disrespected me for too long and did not deserve Mommy attention. With so much taken from him throughout the week, losing Mommy attention and all food normal to him, you can only imagine how the next 6 hours went. The standoff lasted until 5 pm when I offered him a green drink. I did not have too much hope because he has tried and disliked them in the past, but we were both willing to try anything. He took a drink, smiled and said, “This is actually pretty good!”  Halleluiah! Praise Jesus!

I was beyond tired of fighting, but I am glad I did not give up on him. If I don’t fight for him, who will? God has entrusted him to me and I know God has a plan for him. This may have started with vegetables, but there are so many other values and lessons wrapped up in moments and phases of parenthood like this one.

Scripture like Proverbs 22:6 is not just a suggestion from God. It is unfair and ineffective to throw the Bible and church at my kids and expect them to understand how to live a right and Christian life. They have to see the full circle of prayer and feel their experiences with God. Children need to be taught how to navigate through important things they don’t like while respecting authority. We live in a world where extra seems to be expected and is demanded despite behavior and poor choices. If they aren’t taught in their current phases, how will they thrive and be successful as they enter into life as an adult?

Even sitting in church yesterday I did not know how the veggie situation would play out because my son, even as a five year old, has free will. I did not want to force him. I wanted him to learn about choice. I wanted him to see that turning away from what is good has repercussion beyond his control. I want him to learn doing what is right and sometimes hard is ultimately the easiest route with far greater results.

I love opportunities to teach my children how to grow a Faith Painted Heart. It is hard for me to say no to the world and is no different for a young child because all sin is tempting and usually seems easier. My kids know about prayer and are taught how to learn from the Bible. Children too can learn and experience the goodness of God when presented the opportunity and explanations with their situations as the examples. I rather my children struggle through growing pains while I can still hold their hand and guide them as opposed to suffer through them and the humiliation as an adult.

I know there are some of you reading who are young and struggle to listen to a request of a parent or teacher. Listen. Follow through with respect. Please understand there is a reason to respect authority. Authority is wiser and more experienced. They can see things we can’t always see. They think in ways we don’t think and when we listen, obey and follow through with respect, we too are wiser. We skip the bad things that follow disrespect, refusal and defiance. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking God to hold your hand to help you through the unwanted process. God is faithful and will help you.

We all have choices to make and when untaught, bad decisions are more likely to be made. Parents, help your children make wise choices learning from you. You are their best teacher. Let the Bible be your guide and walk the way you want your children to walk.

God help us to take scripture like Proverbs 22:6 and Philippians 1:6 to parent with healthy strategies to grow good and Godly adults making a difference in the world. Help us to put our emotion, feelings and pride aside to go the required distance. Help our children obey and respect a little more with each lesson. We love you God and thank you for the sacrifices of the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. –Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. –Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

Thankful Heart

Turning another year older last week made me think…knowing when my parents welcomed me into the world, I wonder when God created everything about me. As His creation, I think of how proud He must have been to see me in the arms of my parents as an infant. I can’t help but think about the disappointment He must feel when I mess up and make poor choices to let Him down. What about the times I walked down a path without God?

Instead of living in shame, I have to live for today.

           

Most Mondays I sit at my desk and work on the next blog post, but my birthday was different. I didn’t originally plan the day to be unlike any ordinary Monday just because it was my birthday, but my daughter approached me wanting to spend her day off from school with her great grand parents. Although I planned a visit with them later in the week and knew I would not be able to write, I could not deny her of this desire. When I called my grandmother with the change of plans, she was elated at the thought of spending the day with us so new plans were made.

Each time I visit my grand parents, my grandpa has a little more life in him with a little more to say and more happy chuckles to go with his smiles. This day was different. He was not happy despite our visit and he did not speak with happy chuckles or smiles. Determined to have a good day and get his smiles back, we decided to get him out the house to eat at one of his favorite restaurants. Lunch with my mom, sister and kids was just what he needed to lift his spirits and the food satisfied his appetite.

Because of my grandpa’s recent fall, they had not been to eat in a while and the staff noticed the void from their hungry visits.  When their routine waitress heard of his fall, her expression and kind words showed the heartbreak she felt. “I’ll bring food to you! Just stay well,” she repeated as she refilled his drink.  When it was time to head back to the house, my grandmother seemed to take longer than usual to pay her bill. I walked around the corner to check on her and noticed she was surrounded by support and love from several of the staff showing true friendship. The kindness seemed to keep coming. As we packed up and began to make our way to the door, the owner came from behind the scenes to pat my grandpa on the back and tell him how he was missed.

I am thankful my grandparents are more than just two old people who have frequented their restaurant tables for years. Had we let him sit in the chair growing an impression from his body, he would have missed out on his gifts for the day and remained a grumpy old man feeling no special love.

God’s love was ever present. He used everyday people to go above and beyond their job description to display His love. Thankfully my heart was focused to see His blessings.

Back home, my grandmother and son played as they always do with laughs, excited tones and joyous movements. Purposefully creating moments for my kids to have the opportunity to grow a relationship with their great grand parents always results in a gift, but to see my grandpa leave his chair to occupy the chair outside was indeed a priceless gift my heart will never forget. With shaky hands, he placed each car carefully onto the ramp and watched it race down with a car my son placed next to his. When both cars crashed to the ground below, cheers and laughs filled the atmosphere each time as if it was the first only to be repeated time and time again.

 Just as I remember as a child...with bees and all to scare
me away, but the beauty kept bringing me back. 

As the day came to an end, my daughter and I sat eating the cake she baked for me as we went through the pictures she’d taken throughout the day. Some were of the moments described, others of their house I once called home. Seeing the beauty of each photo and the way she highlighted objects surrounding my grand parents home collected visual reminders of memories to instantly bring comfort and wholeness to my already thankful heart.

All of these gifts could have easily been missed if I told my daughter no and stuck to the planned schedules. Each touch of grace would have gone unnoticed or devalued had I not been focused on God. Learning the true meaning of Godly living, I tried a new approach to focus my thoughts away from things seeming normal to the world.  As a result, my eyes have been open to so many blessings once overlooked.

I don’t want to be a disappointment to God. When I loose focus on Him, I loose focus on what really matters. Desire to have what is out of reach, gets me into trouble every time. So often I get bogged down wishing for more time in my day to complete necessary chores, exercise, properly prepare my son for kindergarten, write perfect words, help my daughter meet her full potential, support my husband and love them all well. I wish I had more clothes, better shoes, resources to finish decorating my house to complete each room to match my vision and on and on. Although some of these are good to focus on, others aren’t. I allow frustration, lack of patience, worldly desires and perfection cloud true perspectives. Being thankful clears a cloudy heart and rests with God’s love.

I want to make God proud and smile because He blesses me well; therefore, I have to be mindful there is always someone watching me because God is.

Lord, quiet our distractions to shift focus on today only - to leave our shame in the past and be thankful for what we have today. Help us to see what is not needed in our life and blocks our view of your majesty. Guide us to turning our focus away from costly desires requiring hours of planning and the need for perfection. Create in us the desire to love Jesus out loud because we overflow with thankfulness. Thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name we pray. Amen.

“I knew you before you formed in your mother’s womb. Before you were born, I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” –Jeremiah 1:4-5 (NLT)

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it. –Psalm 139:14 (NLT)

For the Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life. –Job 33:4 (NLT)

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. – 1 John 4:16 (NLT)