Broken Behind the Mess

Lucy woke to the sounds of dogs barking and birds chirping as the sun began to peek in her window. Her alarm rang several times. Each time was quieted and ignored. She knew the time had come to get out of bed, but the desire to stretch her legs to the ground and begin a new day never came to her. With her alarm resounding and mother calling out her name, she knew what was expected, but the embrace of unhappiness swallowed any hope of obedience. She rolled over, starred at the wall and blocked out all sounds, calls and awareness to reality. Her mind fixated on her depressed thoughts until her mom interrupted.

“Lucy! Oh my goodness. You are still in bed? Get up! We’re late and look at this room…Lucy!”

Her mother had enough energy for the both of them, but Lucy felt none. She slowly rolled to look in her mother’s direction to see her in fast forward picking up the messy floor. Her mouth was moving, but Lucy heard no words.

“Lucy. Please not today. I don’t know what is going on with you, but I don’t have time to fight or try to figure you out. I’m doing my best here. Now get up!”

She stormed out of the room and down the stairs with no capacity to see the pain in her daughter - only the inconvenience she was causing. Lucy managed to sit up in bed. Her feet slowly made their way down to the floor and disregarded the mess her mom nagged about. Her hair looked like it had never seen a brush and desperately needed a shower, but Lucy paid no attention. She did well to brush her teeth, put on shoes and pull her hair back in a ponytail. She sat on the stairs with a next to empty backpack, holding undone homework, while her mom and sister scrambled to make their way to the door.

Without noticing the physical appearance of her daughter, she completely missed the sad and depressed teenager hidden behind the mess.

For several years I have spent time mentoring young teen girls. So many have the same things in common. Depression and loneliness, coupled with a desire to be loved and cherished. Some are unable to identify or say these words, but the pain they describe and stories they share are so telling. My heart grieves for these girls. If only I could sit the mom and dad down and ask them to spend more time with their daughter. To plead with them to slow down their life and answer the calls of distress. But I would be meddling. So who will tell them? How will they know?

My heart is also burdened for many mothers close to my heart struggling through combative relationships with their children. The stories they share pour out of them as the anguish from their battlefield tumbles out with every word. She cares so deeply. Her desperation flows with each tear shed. If only she could get her teenage child to understand she just wants to help. She sees their pain. She’s aware of their depression and sadness. She is terrified of the destruction and her child won’t let her in or heed her warnings. Her attempts are returned with doors slammed in her face. If any talk is exchanged, it is rude and disrespectful. The child’s scream for help is disguised as defiance and creates trouble. The harm mom sees afflicted is numbing. The distance created unbearable. Her love is not enough to prevent the abuse and damage. She is shut out and hopeless.

God, the answers seem so distant and impossible. The discouragement living inside these homes is disheartening. Lord, they need you in such a way I can’t even begin to fathom. I pray with a broken heart for their redemption. May they know the treasure they are in your eyes. Father, help the heartsick see your love, experience your grace and recognize who they are in you. Drive out their pain. Release the grip of the past. Bring healing and restoration to unite the parent and child into healthy and thriving relationships. Father you put them together for a reason. They are crushed. Repair what has been broken. Help them find the answers they so desperately need. Amen.  

 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. – 1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)

There is Hope

There is hope in God. No matter the pain in your heart, the stress in your schedule or the turmoil in your present days. God loves you. He understands you better than any person you call best friend. He has the power to gift you with the strength, patience and grace needed for each situation. No matter how impossible, negative or hopeless, the forces of God’s love deliver confidence and healing.

Turn your mind off of the things tangling your thoughts. Open your heart to Him. Welcome influence from the Holy Spirit. Allow the power of the Most High to overshadow you. In Him you will find peace.

Grant your soul the connection with God it longs for. Let Him have parts of you no one else has seen or heard. He craves intimacy with you no matter your sin, mistakes or guilty actions. God’s perfect love cannot be deflected from you if you repent and seek His guidance. We are not deserving of His love, but He gives it. Accept it. Don’t let the sting of sin poison your heart.

Jesus is the answer. Soak into His sacrifice.

"Old Testament God"

I have dedicated much of my time studying the Old Testament the last couple of months. Throughout my personal time reading through the muddy waters of the Old Testament, I could not help but feel like I was reading about a God I didn’t know – almost a different God. He seemed so mean. I am used to the “New Testament God” bestowing gifts of grace and second chances.

But then I stopped reading. I prayed the Holy Spirit would help me understand the “Old Testament God” a little better. I would be lying if I told you the change was immediate. I continually read from the Old Testament and couldn’t help but re-read because my mind stumbled from disbelief. So many perished in the Old Testament. It is hard to understand how God was okay with so many lives ending.

Let’s take Cain and Abel. They are introduced to the world in chapter four of Genesis. They were the first children born to the earth. The very first babies delivered from Eve. I would think God would cherish them because they are the first of God’s command for Adam and Eve to multiply. How is it one is murdered and one is cursed?

I believe our minds go to the aftermath of the stories without focusing on the in-between. We hone in on the bad, overlooking the goodness of God and teaching of His words. Admittedly I, like others, have read chapters of Genesis to be left with question after question for God. My mind burdened by confusion. Peace and clarity haven’t resided with me until recently when I desired a deeper connection with God by understanding Him in the stories told from the Old Testament. My first perceptions shift during the re-reads. With the Holy Spirit, I am able to identify His character and acknowledge His power intended to be respected, not tested.

We have to go back to chapter three with Adam and Eve and accept the truth before blaming and passing judgment on God. The fall of man is extremely important to remember when reading these stories of the past. Sin became a part of the world. No matter how we feel about bad choices, wrong decisions and damaging circumstances, sin has overtaken our world. It is a fact we must accept to understand God in the Old Testament and our present lives. Sin is separation from God. Sin is not God. Sin is much the opposite of our Creator and Heavenly Father.

Going back to Cain and Abel let’s read Genesis 4:6-7 because they are more important than the aftermath of the sin that made the story’s ending.

Then the Lord said to Cain. ‘Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it.”

Just as a good parent warns and teaches a child to prevent downfall in life, so does God. It could not be more plainly explained to Cain – and us! (This is the part we tend to ignore for our own life).

Just as soon as God told Cain to be good, verse eight describes how he does the opposite of what God teaches. He kills his brother, Abel. And not only does he kill him, he lies to God about it. (This is the part we tend to pass over to get to the part we think God messed up).

So many times we stop to wonder why God punished Abel to death because of the free will of Cain. In doing so, we miss the point. If you read the entire chapter you learn Able was in favor with God. Having read Matthew 17:3 from the New Testament, we know those in favor with God in the Old Testament live in eternity with God the Father in Heaven. So how was Abel punished? Since His death, he has been with God where there is no sin or fall of man.

Cain was punished for his sin. God did not separate himself from Cain. Cain’s sin did the damage to the relationship, not God. In verse 14 Cain says, “I will be hidden from your presence. I will be a restless wanderer on the earth.” Furthermore, Cain thinks God has no value for his life, since he took the life of his brother, he is wrong. God tells him anyone who kills him will suffer. This tells us God values his life – sin and all. Sounds a lot like the God I know from the New Testament.

But then I read about Noah and find death of all mankind and any living creature on earth and the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Why so much death?

Remember the little prayer asking the Holy Spirit to help me understand? The answer to the prayer was God does not see death the way you and I do. This world we know is not the end. What we understand is only a snippet for the life of our souls. The truth is God sees, understands and knows incomprehensible to our mind’s capacity. Even more, God’s heart grieves when our sinful nature takes over.

Genesis 6:5 brings our attention to God’s attention of the sin filled world before the great flood. Verse six says, “The Lord was grieved…His heart was filled with pain.” Why do we focus more on the outcome of the sin man chose more than God’s pain from the sin? Scripture is specific. His pain derived because the heart of the living had become wicked and evil. God could do nothing with or for these people. Their sin separated them from God. The cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were filled with sin and had no desire to turn from their ways despite the many warnings. They were not obedient. Sounds a lot like the world we live in today. Sin filled the world – then and now. God redeems the chaos sin creates and pardons our souls from the sin of the body.

God knew we needed Jesus. Jesus came to give life everlasting because the God we label as harsh and mean in the Old Testament values the life of our soul.

Obedience is imperative. It is for our own good and benefits our soul. I can think of no one better to honor my obedience with than the Creator of the universe who is all knowing and works on my behalf when I am faithful and honest. God is still the same God despite my confusion. His greatness remains. It is I who waffles in faith and detaches myself from His presence.  I don’t like the way the isolation feels so I choose to believe. I believe He is good and the perfect Father He says He is.

Reading the Old Testament makes me thankful for the cross. It is hard to understand the sin in the world. It is difficult to not get stuck on the frustration of not being able to ask God why. But His faithfulness in my life has been more than I can understand when I think of the mistakes I’ve made and how I have hurt others.

God grant us with peace for what we do not understand. Inspire our heart to keep learning and growing closer to you despite what our mind does not accept. Develop in us a heart and mind connected by the Holy Spirit. Thank you for the cross and the blessings it brings to our lives daily. It is in Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)