Introduction

I used to have a re-occurring dream as a child of opening a trash can lid and seeing a never-ending circulating hole inside. I would fall in with no way of escape even if I reached out for help.  Sometimes there would be images of people I knew with their hand extended just out of my reach. Other times, the people familiar to me looked in and turned the other way to leave me alone in my whirlwind of stress, anxiety and worry.

I haven’t thought about these dreams in years, but now find it interesting how lost I used to feel as a young girl. I can so quickly go back to how I felt when I woke up from the dreams and remember how hopeless my days would be. I used to sit looking out of the window with stomachaches of anxiety and worry – of what? I don’t know. Everything! These feelings continued to fester inside me as I grew into an adult.

Worry, anxiety and bad decision after bad decision started to make for one complicated and unhappy life. Years later, I found myself crouched behind the wheel of my car in the driveway of my home feeling alone, scared and trapped. Tears fell from my eyes and puddled around my feet. I prayed as best I knew how and asked God to fill every hole humanly created in my heart. Moments later I met the Holy Spirit. The best way I can describe what happened was like feeling an embrace like no other. Although nothing physically changed around me, I felt as if I was blessed with peace, an instant calm and favor. It was God’s perfect peace surrounding me.

I knew God loved me. I had even read the passage in Romans 8:26 that says, “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” Not only had the Holy Spirit helped me reach out to God when I didn’t know how to do so alone, God started to answer my prayers and cries instantly.

I had given my life to Christ a couple of years before this moment, but I had not personally encountered the Holy Spirit in such a powerful and incommunicable way. It changed me forever.

This small display of God’s power demonstrated to me was just enough to empower me to make necessary and hard changes for my daughter and I.  Philippians 4:13 was running through my mind. “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” From that moment on, I focused on better decision-making, steadfast prayer and taking the scary steps necessary for a more fruitful life.

Since then God has blessed every step of faithfulness. Over time, my worries and anxieties started to feel less over powering and my decision-making was for a purpose. My walk in faith has been blessed with guidance and resulted in both answered and unanswered prayer. Even in the unanswered prayers, I have learned to be thankful and found God’s hand in my life. My obedience has grown my faith to allow me to continue taking steps forward.

Truthfully, I sometimes feel like I am playing hopscotch and jumping along with no clear lines, but I keep jumping and playing the game because I know I am getting closer and closer to victory.

I have recently suffered loss leading me to question what my identity was attached to. With loss of relationships, a job of many years and change in my ministry, I have to remember God has a bigger purpose. He always thinks bigger and starts shaking things up when I get comfortable and think I have it all figured out. He likes me reaching out and asking for His help and guidance. He constantly leaves me with little nuggets of wisdom and opens my eyes to ways of improvement. Although these can be difficult and tedious growing pains, I know God loves me and I trust Him. God invests in me and I can no longer keep all of Him inside me. It is bursting at the seams and must be shared and the reason for my new blog.

We must be joined to Jesus through the Holy Spirit in order to successfully live a Christ-centered life and I look forward to this new journey Christ has in store for each of us as I write, you read and we all allow God to use what we learn to strengthen us.