Small + God = Strength

At some point in my life at a young age I began to think of myself as someone small. Very small and insignificant - not making an impact of any kind. I felt I was always in the way and more of a bother than a happy presence to others.

When I married the first time these feelings only intensified as unhealthy situations and environments continued to multiply. Think of the ant beneath your feet. The one thoughtlessly stepped on with no regard as to how the ant felt as the foot covered over it just before it was squished. As if it had no purpose. I felt I was that ant.

I went on many years feeling this way. I tried to be happy as the small ant with no glaring purpose. Then a new job came into my life. Change started to happen and I slowly came out of my small. I became big at work. Big with my daughter and left what made me small. I made myself big.

Who do you want to be?

I made myself the new Rachel in an almost arrogant way. I proudly spent the new money I’d earned. Not just as I had before. I made new standards of living and was able to keep up. I felt accomplished. I thanked God for what I had, but very proudly. I gave God about 50% credit for the good that had come upon my life. I tithed more out of obligation because the Bible said to. I wanted to tell Him thanks and give back to what I had been given, but I did so with a prideful heart.

I had become too big.

I loved God. I walked with Christ and welcomed the Holy Spirit, but not wholeheartedly. I was so big and proud of what I’d done and accomplished, I was blinded to those I was now stepping on. I was no longer the ant and treated others as if they were. I was blinding to those I was stepping on. Although I knew what it felt like to be the ant, I had the boots on. I was doing the stomping both in my work and personal life.

The wake up call was convicting. It came slowly and in many different situations. When I lowered myself, I began to see my wrong doing more clearly. It hurt. I felt guilty. I wished I could reverse time and treat others different. Obviously this was an unrealistic desire so I had to move forward differently. Treating others with respect and regard to their feelings.

I needed to become small again so God could be the big in me.

Sometimes I can worship in church and feel so small. The small now is different. It feels good. This small doesn’t hurt and leave a worry pit of nothingness within me. It intensifies the Holy Spirit. It reminds me of how big God’s love is no matter what is going on in my circumstances. I feel like Julie Andrews on top of the mountain in The Sound of Music. She seems so small in the beauty surrounding her.

In the small, I feel the big God within me. I am small in God’s big story, but my Godly impact can be as big as I allow. In all I do, I try to live out God’s love running through my veins. God has been faithful to me even at my most foolish moments. God deserves my everything because He never stops amazing me and never gets boring. My Heavenly Father is worth my time, dedication and focus.

My Faith Painted Heart belongs to God Almighty because of His faithfulness, not mine. I can’t do it on my own. I needed the Holy Spirit to shift my views and thoughts in a different and more Godly direction. I needed the Word of God soaking into my soul. And I needed conversation time with God to confess, ask for forgiveness, discuss my desires and request guidance because my new desires seemed foreign.

So what makes you too big? Let God make you small so you can be big in His name.

God today the prayer is simply complicated. We pray the Holy Spirit and your Word would open our eyes to what we do not see. Help us to see what needs to change. Erase the guilt. Take the shame. Please wash us clean with your grace as we ask for forgiveness and guide us down the path You designed for us. Thank you for loving us despite our wrongdoing. Thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name we pray. Amen.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. And, love your neighbor as yourself. –Luke 10:27 (NLT)

Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. -2 Timothy 2:15 (NLT)

Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. –James 1:17 (NLT)

Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. –Matthew 6:19-21 (NLT)

Hold My Hand

Friday afternoon we returned home after a week in Disney World. When we landed, I learned my mom had been sick while I was away which focused my attention back to upcoming doctor appointments for my grandparents. Potential results brought on anxieties and worries I did not want. Even though it felt great to be home, I was not comfortable with reality catching up so quickly. I wanted to get back on a plane to escape the stress and sadness of the real world before me. The next day I was tired from being on autopilot from a busy time when tears filled my eyes immediately upon receiving the message of my uncle’s death.

Since I knew there was no plane ticket with my name on it, I picked up the phone again to text my aunt. I typed probably a dozen different messages only to delete them all. What do you say to someone who just lost a husband? I said a little prayer and put my phone down for a bit. Moments later I typed and hit send.

“Remember God’s holding your hand through this all.”

My aunt answered right away and said, “Yes he is. He answered my prayers to end the suffering.” I read the words again and thanked God she was able to see Him though the saddest time in her life.

I did not know the magnitude of God’s presence in my aunt’s story until I visited her the following day. She pulled me aside and told me her compelling conversation with God.

“I held my hands in the air to God and asked Him to end his suffering.”

Think about the amount of faith a person has to have to pray those words out loud. She knew there was no magic pill or any healing that would end his suffering. She was praying for the Lord Jesus to take her beloved home. And God did.

“I went back inside to be by his side. Our son sat in that chair and I laid here in front of his bed. After we talked for a couple of hours I fell asleep. When I woke up, his oxygen mask was pushed off his face and he was ice cold. God took him in his sleep and he is pushing through those pearly gates without any suffering.”

My aunt told me the story with a smile I can only describe as a faith smile as I hung on to her every word. Not that she was joyous over his passing or because I did not know the outcome of the story, but I was inspired by her outward peace and surety of her answer to prayer during what is known to be a difficult time. I could see the God inside of her grow larger than life itself. I was astonished to witness the Godly peace within her as she mourned the loss a life very dear to her.

Somehow I am still surprised when I am amazed by God. You would think I get used to Him being so awesome and effective, but stories like this have a way of sticking to me like plaster on a repaired wall. God heard her desperation with her arms reached to the heavens. God held her hand as He took her husband home.

Even in our darkest moments,
God shines His light down on us.

Seeing her Faith Painted Heart reminded me life is going to throw curve balls to make things messy and tempt us to run away, but God is everlasting and will see us through it all. He has this way of shining His light in such a majestic way at just the right time – so perfectly it is almost unexplainable.

My aunt chose to reach out and hold God’s hand and I will be praying she doesn’t let go so she can rely on His strength through her mourning process. God transformed my aunt and uncle’s suffering into beautiful steps of faith followed by answered prayer like a story from the Bible.

We can learn from faithful people like my aunt.  We need examples to inspire us, pick us up and hold us tight as we take our next steps of faithfulness. Faith does not equal easy. It is hard to remain faithful when our prayers seem to go unanswered or our circumstances continue to escalate despite our prayers. Often times we shake our fists at God to wonder why someone would grow so ill because it is hard to understand that which we cannot see.

Despite her human emotion, my aunt was audaciously faithful in her prayers to God. I pray you too would be audacious in your prayers to pray like Jesus. Ask God to hold your hand as opposed to getting lost in the why. Embrace your now. God can grow within you to far exceed your expectation and desires. Focus your heart and mind on God’s ways –not your own. God knows the future when we only dream of the future. Let Him lead you to righteousness and embrace the rich blessings of God.

So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ. –Romans 10:17 (NLT)

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold – though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. -1 Peter 1:7 (NLT)

And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for. 

-1 John 5:14-15 (NLT)

But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love. -Jude 1:20-21 (NLT)