Small + God = Strength

At some point in my life at a young age I began to think of myself as someone small. Very small and insignificant - not making an impact of any kind. I felt I was always in the way and more of a bother than a happy presence to others.

When I married the first time these feelings only intensified as unhealthy situations and environments continued to multiply. Think of the ant beneath your feet. The one thoughtlessly stepped on with no regard as to how the ant felt as the foot covered over it just before it was squished. As if it had no purpose. I felt I was that ant.

I went on many years feeling this way. I tried to be happy as the small ant with no glaring purpose. Then a new job came into my life. Change started to happen and I slowly came out of my small. I became big at work. Big with my daughter and left what made me small. I made myself big.

Who do you want to be?

I made myself the new Rachel in an almost arrogant way. I proudly spent the new money I’d earned. Not just as I had before. I made new standards of living and was able to keep up. I felt accomplished. I thanked God for what I had, but very proudly. I gave God about 50% credit for the good that had come upon my life. I tithed more out of obligation because the Bible said to. I wanted to tell Him thanks and give back to what I had been given, but I did so with a prideful heart.

I had become too big.

I loved God. I walked with Christ and welcomed the Holy Spirit, but not wholeheartedly. I was so big and proud of what I’d done and accomplished, I was blinded to those I was now stepping on. I was no longer the ant and treated others as if they were. I was blinding to those I was stepping on. Although I knew what it felt like to be the ant, I had the boots on. I was doing the stomping both in my work and personal life.

The wake up call was convicting. It came slowly and in many different situations. When I lowered myself, I began to see my wrong doing more clearly. It hurt. I felt guilty. I wished I could reverse time and treat others different. Obviously this was an unrealistic desire so I had to move forward differently. Treating others with respect and regard to their feelings.

I needed to become small again so God could be the big in me.

Sometimes I can worship in church and feel so small. The small now is different. It feels good. This small doesn’t hurt and leave a worry pit of nothingness within me. It intensifies the Holy Spirit. It reminds me of how big God’s love is no matter what is going on in my circumstances. I feel like Julie Andrews on top of the mountain in The Sound of Music. She seems so small in the beauty surrounding her.

In the small, I feel the big God within me. I am small in God’s big story, but my Godly impact can be as big as I allow. In all I do, I try to live out God’s love running through my veins. God has been faithful to me even at my most foolish moments. God deserves my everything because He never stops amazing me and never gets boring. My Heavenly Father is worth my time, dedication and focus.

My Faith Painted Heart belongs to God Almighty because of His faithfulness, not mine. I can’t do it on my own. I needed the Holy Spirit to shift my views and thoughts in a different and more Godly direction. I needed the Word of God soaking into my soul. And I needed conversation time with God to confess, ask for forgiveness, discuss my desires and request guidance because my new desires seemed foreign.

So what makes you too big? Let God make you small so you can be big in His name.

God today the prayer is simply complicated. We pray the Holy Spirit and your Word would open our eyes to what we do not see. Help us to see what needs to change. Erase the guilt. Take the shame. Please wash us clean with your grace as we ask for forgiveness and guide us down the path You designed for us. Thank you for loving us despite our wrongdoing. Thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name we pray. Amen.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. And, love your neighbor as yourself. –Luke 10:27 (NLT)

Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. -2 Timothy 2:15 (NLT)

Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. –James 1:17 (NLT)

Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. –Matthew 6:19-21 (NLT)