Washed Clean by the Power of God

Unexpectedly, I found myself downing in painful emotion as I listened to my friend explain her recent experience. The situation she described was not mine, but my uninvited emotions were tugged because of occurrences in my past. The feelings that came over me made me feel as though I was sitting in a chair five years previous of any work of forgiveness.

Did I not really forgive? Did I do forgiveness wrong?

I wanted to be angry, but the sadness was too intense. I wanted to eat. Not because I was hungry, but because I was hurt. I wanted to run. Not because I needed to get a jog in to exercise, but because I wanted to literally run from the pain that had blindsided me. I honestly wanted to do anything, but confront the truths of my feelings – again.

I was fixated on my situations in the past and knew I was making a mistake when my sadness did indeed turn to anger. If the thoughts bouncing wildly in my mind had been given audible words, I would have completely embarrassed myself. I knew I was wrongly focused.

Anger can come from spending too much time fixated on figuring out situations with binoculars on other people. Sometimes we pretend to have x-ray vision into their minds escaping all reality. Tricky detective-like-research and perception based what-if thinking takes all the focus off of self and focuses on things outside of our control.

When I took my focus off the other people, anger began to ease and I saw myself more clearly - I saw what I can control. With more rational and less anxious thinking, I concluded my pain came from a situation I had not yet processed and forgiven. My emotion was from three months ago. It had not traveled back in time as far as I originally thought.

When I looked at this most recent situation needing forgiveness with a desire to reconcile my unwanted feelings, I realized forgiveness is much like eating a carrot. Not carrots in a bag prewashed or bite size on a veggie tray - the big, unclean, imperfect ones. The ones covered in dirt needing to be washed and peeled before eating. While this may seem a bit far stretched, the light bulb went off while recalling scripture.

There is a familiar conversation between Peter and Jesus in Matthew 18:21-22 about forgiveness:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Jesus goes on to teach Peter in further conversation, but it is this piece of the teaching that has always been difficult for me to comprehend for submissive application. So often my thoughts are controlled by anxiety or anger when I need to practice application.

When I stop pointing fingers as victim and I am done playing detective, I am better able to have a mindset of Jesus as described in Luke 23:34.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

The hurt applied was not intentional pain inflicted upon me. I can choose to look at the situation with a heart of Jesus. Perhaps they did not know they were hurting me. Maybe they did, but didn’t know how to stop their poor choices.

There is no one in this world that does not experience pain and struggle. These things unidentified and left alone will fester into bad habits and an avalanche of chaos runs a muck. I can be upset and run frantic in the avalanche to create more discord or I can calmly pick myself up and prevent myself from being in the avalanche again. Healthy responses and healthy boundaries require forgiveness. We cannot always run away from people.

For application learning, it is important to take Peter out of these verses in Matthew 18 and insert our selves. Matthew documented this conversation so we could learn from it. Since we are the only person we can control, we should put ourselves in front of Jesus so He is able to speak to us. Another step to help with application is to honestly tell God what is hard for us and ask for His help in the areas of our struggle.

Once we ask God to do the hard part, we can do the “follow” part and good things will begin to happen. He helps us in ways unimaginable. The control we so desperately want of our emotional management begins to take shape and less control is attempted over other people.

Here is where the carrot comes in. We have to peel and wash the carrot in order to eat. This is our process with God. We need to peel ourselves off the situation allowing God to wash us clean so we can act with a mindset of Jesus.

See the first time we forgive, it is pretty easy because the tip of the carrot is hardly a bite at all. It is easy to break off. We chew with hardly any crunch and easily swallow it down to be gone. The more we bite off the carrot of forgiveness, the more work we have to do. The process continues to intensify as the carrot disappears each time we bite from it. Just before the stem are the hardest bites. When we get this far, we have forgiven many times over.

I find myself way beyond the seven times I thought were all I had in me. I have stared at the carrot repeatedly knowing I need to bite from it over and over again. With prayers lifted to my Father, I was thankfully able to forgive each time. But now I hold in my hand the stem and leaves. What am I to do with this? There is no more carrot to bite from. Is there any more forgiveness left?

I am left with God and the power of the Holy Spirit, but they are only as powerful in my situations as I allow. Biting from the carrot was a process of learning to work with God through forgiveness. Now I have to act solely from the power of the Holy Spirit after being in direct and constant communication with the Father because I cannot do it alone.

We each have our own carrot – perhaps one for each person in our life. And maybe this process does not match up to every person and forgiveness scenario. Perhaps your carrot is for one big thing that has almost destroyed your life and decisions. It seems the carrot needs to be eaten all at once. The big bite seems impossible to swallow down to be gone forever.

Either way, we are not intended to carry out any acts of forgiveness alone. Jesus never called us to follow Him and His ways without the help of the Father. We must peel ourselves, repent and ask that God clean us before we can even get started.

God, forgiveness is such a hard thing - seemingly impossible at times making us throw our hands up and want to run away. Help us in our moments to have a heart and mind of Jesus. Help us to take control of our emotional management by releasing the control we hold of others. God we need your help. Forgiveness is so readily needed in our lives - help us to embrace submission. God, I thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  - Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. - Romans 8:7 (NIV)

As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. - Psalm 18:30 (NIV)

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

Psalm 51:1-12 is recommended as follow up reading in God’s Word.  May you experience the beauty of being washed clean by God.