Weak Without the Strength of Jesus

“Washed Clean by the Power of God” was written about a month before I published and shared it publicly. Oddly, I did not know what to do with it. Unclear to the reasoning for my hesitation, I kept going back to it. Randomly opening the collection of words, I would read and edit. The message from God became more and more clear with each re-read as I prepared for application. I felt such a strong affirmation of encouragement for forgiveness, I shared and began my process of forgiveness with God.

Hours after I shared, I took my eyes off of Jesus. Things started to get chaotic and busy. My time and focused thoughts on God lessened. The worldly suggestions from Satan began to creep into my thoughts and my anxieties had much control.

I was Mack in The Shack when the boat started to fill with water and darkness filled his view because he took his focus off of the strength and power of Jesus. The chaos around him created by his mind was because he was focused on the effects of his anxiety. He became weak.

I too am weak without the strength of Jesus. We all are whether we are humble enough to admit it or not.

When we take our mind’s focus off Jesus, where does it go? What feeds our thoughts? What fuels our energy? What corrupts our intentions and motivation?

Anger, resentment, power and pride are nourished and given power over our thoughts, words and actions. When this happens, we separate ourselves from God. Oddly enough, my separation from God began soon after being so close with Him.

I was angry again. I stared the unidentified emotion in the eyes and felt frustrated from the fact that it can tear me down so easily. Ignoring the consequences of my anger, I activated the imaginary, yet very real walls, blocking logical thinking and truths of scripture.

A day or two went by and I begin to verbalize my thoughts. The more I described my anger to trusted individuals, the more I heard how ridiculous I was being. Thankfully because of my deeper relationship with God, the unbreakable walls I grew accustom to have been transformed into temporary, weak walls. I knew I was not right. I was faced with the truths of my behavior rather quickly and had a decision to make. Trying to rationalize with wisdom, I struggled because it is easier to run in place with anger. Anger seems justified and even reasonable, but after a while, there is no more energy and rest is needed.

As I began to turn the corner away from anger, I was reminded of the message Sunday morning at church. Pastor Paul reminded me I have two choices and two choices only. I can hate. Or I can forgive.

And let’s just back up a moment and touch on the fact that last Sunday’s message ended with forgiveness. It was clear. Forgiveness was the message God was sending me – despite my lack of Godly focus. I was certain I needed to realign focus to the God who forgives me – over and over again.

Thinking back to the many edits on “Washed Clean by the Power of God”, I realized I took out a key and vital part of the reconstruction process - my prayer to God. I took it out because the word count at the bottom of the document was far too long. I did not think anyone would read what I had to share if there were too many words. But this prayer that I pray often is important to my process.

Not only did I remove it from the post, I stopped praying it with a heart of transparency. In doing so, I let Satan’s repetitive lies affect me. Evaluating my decline in progress, I accepted the fact that the anger I was exhibiting was not justified. The hurts I need to deal with are not nearly as bad as Satan manipulated them to feel. He wants me angry. He wants me to hate. He finds joy in robbing me of my joy.

I say no thank you. Although the pain inflicted is real and damaging, it is not too much for God to handle. I honestly do not know the outcome of this situation, but I do know that the story I tell in the future will involve forgiveness. I will not hate. I will forgive. In order to do it, I have to pray the prayer every single day until forgiveness seems almost easy and is complete.

Okay, God. I need you to soften my heart. I need you to take the pain and put it wherever you put it when it seems to disappear from me. You can have it. I don’t want it. I am choosing to not harp over what was done, but I need you to take it away so there is nothing for me to hold on to. I release my pain to you so that I can follow the ways of Jesus - because I love you. Because I know you have done this for me before and I know you will do it for me again. Thank you!

The prayers we lift to God do not always have to be neat or professionally written. God does not count words or fix grammatical errors. He does however acknowledge and heal our broken. He restores our joy because He sees us by looking at our heart when we are transparent and welcoming. He gives us rest through His peace.

I am still in my forgiveness process. To keep my eyes on Jesus, I will listen to worship music throughout my days. I will work to be intentional to align my need for forgiveness at the front of my thoughts and remember what God has already done in my life. There are so many intentional and purposeful decisions to make daily - even moment to moment. But I know forgiveness is to come. With eyes on Jesus, I have hope and no longer feel weak.

What Satan attempted to steal only lasted a moment. I am so thankful for the ways God works in my life when I allow Him to be who He says He is.

I am so thankful God is always focused when I am not. I am thankful God is always ready to receive me when I have worked through my stubbornness and reach my hand back out to receive Him. I am thankful for the cross. It is not always easy to pick mine up, but tomorrow I am going to attempt to do a better job than I did today.

“Replace what you don’t know about the future with what you do know about God.” – Christine Caine

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

-James 1:22 (NIV)

Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?         –Matthew 16:24-26 (MSG)

This is what the Lord says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land.

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.         – Jeremiah 17:5-8

Washed Clean by the Power of God

Unexpectedly, I found myself downing in painful emotion as I listened to my friend explain her recent experience. The situation she described was not mine, but my uninvited emotions were tugged because of occurrences in my past. The feelings that came over me made me feel as though I was sitting in a chair five years previous of any work of forgiveness.

Did I not really forgive? Did I do forgiveness wrong?

I wanted to be angry, but the sadness was too intense. I wanted to eat. Not because I was hungry, but because I was hurt. I wanted to run. Not because I needed to get a jog in to exercise, but because I wanted to literally run from the pain that had blindsided me. I honestly wanted to do anything, but confront the truths of my feelings – again.

I was fixated on my situations in the past and knew I was making a mistake when my sadness did indeed turn to anger. If the thoughts bouncing wildly in my mind had been given audible words, I would have completely embarrassed myself. I knew I was wrongly focused.

Anger can come from spending too much time fixated on figuring out situations with binoculars on other people. Sometimes we pretend to have x-ray vision into their minds escaping all reality. Tricky detective-like-research and perception based what-if thinking takes all the focus off of self and focuses on things outside of our control.

When I took my focus off the other people, anger began to ease and I saw myself more clearly - I saw what I can control. With more rational and less anxious thinking, I concluded my pain came from a situation I had not yet processed and forgiven. My emotion was from three months ago. It had not traveled back in time as far as I originally thought.

When I looked at this most recent situation needing forgiveness with a desire to reconcile my unwanted feelings, I realized forgiveness is much like eating a carrot. Not carrots in a bag prewashed or bite size on a veggie tray - the big, unclean, imperfect ones. The ones covered in dirt needing to be washed and peeled before eating. While this may seem a bit far stretched, the light bulb went off while recalling scripture.

There is a familiar conversation between Peter and Jesus in Matthew 18:21-22 about forgiveness:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Jesus goes on to teach Peter in further conversation, but it is this piece of the teaching that has always been difficult for me to comprehend for submissive application. So often my thoughts are controlled by anxiety or anger when I need to practice application.

When I stop pointing fingers as victim and I am done playing detective, I am better able to have a mindset of Jesus as described in Luke 23:34.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

The hurt applied was not intentional pain inflicted upon me. I can choose to look at the situation with a heart of Jesus. Perhaps they did not know they were hurting me. Maybe they did, but didn’t know how to stop their poor choices.

There is no one in this world that does not experience pain and struggle. These things unidentified and left alone will fester into bad habits and an avalanche of chaos runs a muck. I can be upset and run frantic in the avalanche to create more discord or I can calmly pick myself up and prevent myself from being in the avalanche again. Healthy responses and healthy boundaries require forgiveness. We cannot always run away from people.

For application learning, it is important to take Peter out of these verses in Matthew 18 and insert our selves. Matthew documented this conversation so we could learn from it. Since we are the only person we can control, we should put ourselves in front of Jesus so He is able to speak to us. Another step to help with application is to honestly tell God what is hard for us and ask for His help in the areas of our struggle.

Once we ask God to do the hard part, we can do the “follow” part and good things will begin to happen. He helps us in ways unimaginable. The control we so desperately want of our emotional management begins to take shape and less control is attempted over other people.

Here is where the carrot comes in. We have to peel and wash the carrot in order to eat. This is our process with God. We need to peel ourselves off the situation allowing God to wash us clean so we can act with a mindset of Jesus.

See the first time we forgive, it is pretty easy because the tip of the carrot is hardly a bite at all. It is easy to break off. We chew with hardly any crunch and easily swallow it down to be gone. The more we bite off the carrot of forgiveness, the more work we have to do. The process continues to intensify as the carrot disappears each time we bite from it. Just before the stem are the hardest bites. When we get this far, we have forgiven many times over.

I find myself way beyond the seven times I thought were all I had in me. I have stared at the carrot repeatedly knowing I need to bite from it over and over again. With prayers lifted to my Father, I was thankfully able to forgive each time. But now I hold in my hand the stem and leaves. What am I to do with this? There is no more carrot to bite from. Is there any more forgiveness left?

I am left with God and the power of the Holy Spirit, but they are only as powerful in my situations as I allow. Biting from the carrot was a process of learning to work with God through forgiveness. Now I have to act solely from the power of the Holy Spirit after being in direct and constant communication with the Father because I cannot do it alone.

We each have our own carrot – perhaps one for each person in our life. And maybe this process does not match up to every person and forgiveness scenario. Perhaps your carrot is for one big thing that has almost destroyed your life and decisions. It seems the carrot needs to be eaten all at once. The big bite seems impossible to swallow down to be gone forever.

Either way, we are not intended to carry out any acts of forgiveness alone. Jesus never called us to follow Him and His ways without the help of the Father. We must peel ourselves, repent and ask that God clean us before we can even get started.

God, forgiveness is such a hard thing - seemingly impossible at times making us throw our hands up and want to run away. Help us in our moments to have a heart and mind of Jesus. Help us to take control of our emotional management by releasing the control we hold of others. God we need your help. Forgiveness is so readily needed in our lives - help us to embrace submission. God, I thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  - Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. - Romans 8:7 (NIV)

As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. - Psalm 18:30 (NIV)

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

Psalm 51:1-12 is recommended as follow up reading in God’s Word.  May you experience the beauty of being washed clean by God.

New Year Resolution

Celebrating the New Year is not for me. The normal traditions are not my cup of tea and the short lived superficial fixes on life are the same year after year. I don’t understand why identical changes are desired with new expectations over and over again. Each year, they are very likely to be temporary with little to no effect.

After the fireworks and celebration,
commit to a different kind of resolution.

There is one change I encourage you to commit to in the coming New Year. A resolution promising lasting results for the coming year and all those following. This year, I encourage you to nurture your soul. Feed it. Protect it. Exercise it.

Although our soul is not a body part studied in anatomy class, it is very real and we all have one. When it is hurt, it cannot be seen with x-rays or scans. There is no medicine to digest to help it heal. When it is hungry, we cannot satisfy it with food for our body. It can’t be touched by human hand nor will any secular patch repair a hole in our soul. All of these things make it difficult for some to believe they, or any of us, have a soul.

The Bible tells us we do indeed have a Spirit inside us - a soul that will live forever. Ecclesiastes 12:7 tells us our bodies will return as dust to the earth as it was when God created man. But our souls! Our souls can return to God who gave us life. How we live our life will determine the outcome of our soul’s eternity. So why brush off what will last even after our bodies die?

It is easy to do. We cannot see our soul when we look in the mirror. Feeding the soul is not easy. It does not make many schedules because the world does not highlight the importance of a nurtured soul. Making it even easier to backburner, that which feeds the soul is also invisible. The Holy Spirit does not have an audible voice, reading the Bible requires intentionality that often times turns into confusion and prayer is a communication outlet to our Heavenly Father with silent responses. His responses are there, but we have to learn to listen for what is not audible making it easy to feel as though we get nothing from it all.

I used to think because I loved God and asked Jesus into my heart, things would automatically start changing. But nothing happened beyond the great feeling of love, acceptance and belonging. My circumstances and relationships did not change. It was as if my God was busted or something. Truth is, I did not know how to nurture my soul. I was not feeding, protecting or exercising what I had accepted into my life.   

The process of jumping over the hurdle of the world to experience more from God took me years to learn and many more will be needed to achieve master status. (If that is even a thing). Not because of who God is, but because I am learning to navigate through two opposing sides: what I think to be right verses what God wants me to accept as right. Learning how the roles of intentionality, compliance and application all come together to work toward my nurtured soul has been life changing and helped me with this battle.

Intentionality of spending time with God is often times misleading to seem unattainable or unrealistic in a person’s daily routine. Some people seem to have achieved master status and block out an entire hour to spend with God. Even more, they wake up like an hour before the sun to do so. Understand being intentional, like any new habit begins small and over time, it grows. It will be necessary to feed your soul. For example, in the morning before looking at your texts, emails or social media, turn to an app with daily scripture. You are already on your device so there is no big change to be made.

What you choose to look at is where the intentional change comes in. What are you looking at, reading or watching to fill the first thoughts of your day, when you have a break, when you are alone in your car or when you lay your head down at night? Introducing scripture into your life when no one can see will be greatly blessed and multiplied.

Compliance is yielding or submitting to what you are reading and learning so you conform and act in accordance with God’s Word. In doing so, you become more and more similar to Him. Young children often times will do everything they can to be just like dad. They try to find clothes of their own, or perhaps put on dad’s to look like him. To make sure dad sees, they will go to him and mimic his every move. They will copy facial expressions, movements and speech because they want to be like their father. They think very highly of him because of what they know of him and because he loves them well.

We should comply with God in the same way to protect our soul. Things learned because of our intentionality would include what you acquire from worship and sermons experienced at church, alone time with God reading His Word and paying attention to the ever so quiet, but present nudges from the Holy Spirit. The more you know, the more you are able to imitate Him. We are the greatest threat to our souls because we are the ones that feed it. Complying with God will protect us from ourselves.

Application is putting it all into practice. By exercising your soul, you are applying what you are learning. Applying a mimic of Christ to your daily situations, circumstances and relationships. It is not acting how you are used to reacting, rather carrying on with a demeanor mirroring Christ no matter what comes your way. Not holding on to your emotion, but imitating the nature of God’s emotion. This is probably the most difficult role to incorporate into your life. Just like exercise is hard work for the body, the soul will reap great reward and results beyond your wildest thoughts because you are allowing God to work in your life. Without application, intentionality and compliance is all for nothing.

Ultimately, you are allowing the Spirit of God speak the truths of the Lord into your soul and yield to His authority because you learn it is better than yours. Begin to listen to your spirit that is fed by the Holy Spirit. Allow your soul to guide your heart and mind through the hardest of situations and most unhealthy relationships. Give God permission to change and mold you.  

So, how do you connect your soul with the Holy Spirit? Even harder, how do you connect your Holy Spirit fed soul with your mind and actions? Your heart will almost naturally follow your soul; however, our minds are more cautious and slow to comply with application. It will play hard to get because it knows better.

There is a familiar saying by the French physician, Anthelme Brillat-Savarin. What he said in 1826 is true to the body and the spirit. “Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.” Over the years, the saying has adapted to “you are what you eat.”

When your soul is spiritually fed by the Word of God, exercised by your willingness and nurtured by the Holy Spirit, it becomes who you are. Your words are more kind. Your disposition carries grace around more readily and accessible. Your inclinations and tendencies are more reflective of Jesus. I’m not exactly sure how God does it. I have prayed God would take anger out of my heart and over time, I cannot find the anger that once harvested in me to drive my actions, words and thoughts. God really does do the hardest work for us. We may not always able to explain or define it. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. It means His ways are beyond what our mind can comprehend. Believe me. This is a very good thing. The way God has collated things in my life is beyond astonishing. The more I wait for Him, respond to Him and learn about Him, the more breathtaking the process becomes.

You have to find what works for you and go with it. I have learned the more Bible studies I complete focused on teaching the Word of God, I better understand and am able to read the Bible and achieve understanding on my own. But sitting down and reading the Bible is not always possible in my days or in situations I struggle to find peace and discernment. So I quite often listen to worship music. I listen to it in the car, when I work out, when I get ready, when I clean – all the time! Not every song speaks to my soul, but it does keep my mind focused more on God to help me be more of the woman God has designed me to be. Some songs have a way of getting straight into my soul each time I hear them.

Horatio Spafford’s words speak directly to my spirit with the song “It is Well with My Soul.” I used to think something was wrong with my faith and worship to the Lord because my hands do not raise when I worship in public or private settings. My eyes close. So that my soul can concentrate, I close my eyes to shut out distraction and let the music and words feed my spirit. When this particular song comes on when I am driving, it is kind of a bad combination because I really have a hard time listening to this song with open eyes. My soul hungers for good worship music. Each time one embraces my soul, my eyes close and my body sways because I am in the presence of God. No matter my surroundings or location, God meets my intentionality and willingness to let Him in.

This year, find what speaks to your soul. Embrace it, fall into it. Let God take you away from pain, stress and anxiety and allow your soul to fall into the arms of God. He is a better remedy than anything of this world. His perfect love will make you better, your situations less traumatic and your surroundings more enjoyable.

Think of prayer as a conversation between you and the closest person in your life. Someone you can tell anything and everything. Talk to God as if you were talking to that person. It does not have to be words from scripture or those eloquently spoken of a pastor. God wants you to speak to Him. Just the way you are: your words, your thoughts, your desires and emotion. He wants it all. He wants you. Just the way you are. You do not have to change for Him before you let Him change you. Start with prayer. Ask Him for a desire to be intentional, a heart of compliance and a will for application.

God please meet each reader right where they are with what they have to offer. Multiply their efforts and bless their soul for the attempt to mimic you more and more each day. Guide their path to protect them from evil as they turn more toward good. May they feel your love, acceptance and reassurance of hope. Thank you Father for your Son Jesus. It is in Jesus redeeming name I pray. Amen.

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. –Romans 8:5-6

Christmas Song

My family has a tradition of celebrating Christmas the weekend before Christmas Day. We call the special gathering Meme’s Christmas, although we no longer meet in her home. Many things were much the same this year. Family arrived with their family, gifts, food, smiles and hugs. Unfortunately, not everyone was able to attend although more made it this year than last. The most treasured guest was my grandfather. Papaw’s health has kept him away in the past. His attendance was a definite answer to prayer.

Everyone expected had arrived and we were ready to dig into the highlighted meal of the day, but one thing was missing. Meme! We were gathered for Meme’s Christmas. We couldn’t eat without her. It just didn’t seem right. Different conversations were shared with the same topic. Where is Meme!

After asked so many times, the question began to answer in unison. In true Meme fashion, she forgot her hearing aids and had to go all the way back home for them. So we waited. And waited.

Finally she arrived. Some clapped. Others just shouted, “Let’s eat!”

So we did. We gathered around the tables with our plates as we caught up and cracked jokes. With full bellies, we moved the party into the living room to open gifts. Meme just loves to take time and watch each child open the gift - one at a time. Mostly the dads grow annoyed with how long it takes. She hushes her boys as if they there were children and they kinda sorta comply as if there were still a child.

I like to watch the joy take over Meme’s composure. All of her is happy because she misses each and every person so much throughout the year. Each night she lays in bed and prays individually for her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. How great is that! Prayers from a mother who knows of the love of Jesus and is thankful for the guidance the Lord has displayed over her life.

A couple of days prior to the Christmas celebration, I spoke with Meme on the phone. She spoke with a smile.

“I wrote a song!”

With a surprised smile on my face, I replied. “What! Meme, did you really write a song?”

“Yes I did! It is not like ones you are used to, but I wrote it…and…I like it.”

Before gray hair, both Meme and Papaw played guitar and sang. I love to hear these stories when they both reminisce the old days. For Meme to write a song so many years later was special and she didn’t write just any song. She wrote a Christmas song. Words to describe her joy and thankfulness for Jesus and family.

Even more impressive, each and every one of us gathered around Meme, standing center stage, to sing her song. A song we had never heard, we all sang in our best shower voice. I’m not sure what your family does for Christmas, but never in all the memories I have compiled have we ever gathered in a room and sang a song – a cappella!

Because everyone loves Meme so much and was so proud of her, the moment she thought of and worked for came true. With my grandfather sitting in the same room, I can’t imagine the significance the memory holds for both of them. All the mistakes they’ve made, regrets they have from parenthood, coupled with the sadness and frustration from Papaw’s failing health didn’t matter in that moment.

Because the leader of the family spent intentional and personal time with God to prepare for this occasion, our family was led in a time of remembering Jesus as the reason for our celebration. Her song was not about snow or bells. It was not about cookies and pie. It was about being a happy family because Jesus Christ was born with love for all the world.

Some of us have not had a good year. My family has suffered from a death, job loss, hospital stays, money troubles, parenting challenges and marital trials. But in that moment, everyone was able to share in a little bit of joy.

If not for Jesus, the death in our family would have been unmanageable. The unwanted incidents, financial and relational struggles are all real. They have created much havoc and chaos to bring anger and sadness, but the love of God surpasses any heartache we have experienced. God’s love provides hope because of His true and perfect gift. Jesus Christ.

May the light of God's
indescribable gift shine all year.

No matter how dark your days, sad your heart or depressing your circumstances, allow the power of God to soak into your soul. We are not a perfect family, but a little intentionality goes a long way and can show so much of God’s love.

I pray God’s profound affection and purpose would touch you personally so you too close your eyes in gratitude in moments of joy. Accept the greatest gift there is to receive.

Jesus.

Accept His love. Apply His love. Multiply it. Don’t waste it. We celebrate Jesus’ birth at Christmas time, but His love and redemptive power is not put away and stored in a box until next Christmas. The power in His name is holy beyond the times Christmas songs are sung. He is alive and working each and everyday. I pray each person reading these words is captivated by Jesus as much as I am.

God, my life would be ruined if not for you. Thank you for sending the angel to Mary to let her in on your plan to save the world. Thank you for loving her so well, she followed you faithfully. I am thankful for the way you loved Joseph through his times of uncertainty. God, guide our steps of faithfulness past our uncertainty so we too can further your Kingdom and live in your ways. Help us to live each of our days to make the words in Christmas songs mean something beyond the time of year we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Help us to be good this year so the sacrifices of Jesus’ life don’t fall void in our life. I love you so much God. I am in awe of the way you love me. Please help those who suffer from human tragedy see your beauty. May they share in the majesty of your indescribable gift so the awful actions of others do not taint your true identity. Thank you for sending your Son, Jesus. May the coming year bring eternal life to many. It is in Jesus redemptive name I pray. Amen.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

-2 Corinthians 9:15 (NIV)