Mama Bear Interrupted

One of my favorite movies is The Devil Wears Prada. I love the way Andy is determined to work hard to achieve her goal. Worn out from working hard with no reward, she voices her opinion of her disagreeable boss with a whiny tone and lazy demeanor because she wanted to be heard. Initially shocked by the reply given to her whines, she quickly realizes she has the option to accept constructive criticism to better herself. Andy makes suggested adjustments and quickly begins marching down the path of success. She does well on the difficult job and exceeds expectations. The problem is she took her focus off what she really wanted. Things once important to her fell off her priority list and as success mounted, her life began to crumble.

Last week a situation occurred where someone’s mistake hurt one of my kids. A bad decision followed by lack of follow through created a stressful situation damaging many, but my focus was on the damage brought to my kid. I was a mad Mama Bear ready to defend her baby. I made phone calls, sent emails and did everything I could to try and speak to someone to begin attack on the guilty party only to receive no response.

The problem is, I am not a bear living in the wild. Nor was my child in a life-threatening situation justifying Mama Bear. Unlike mothers in the wild, I have a voice.

Life is unfair. Bad things happen. Unfair hands are dealt. We have the choice of deciding what we are going to do with our choice and our voice. Andy walked away because she realized she was stepping on others and the expectation of the success was not what she wanted. Nor did the success line up with her original goals. She did not make a big fuss. She did not yell and lay out in detail how she was mistreated. She calmly expressed her opinion and walked away.

So it made me think. What will my ruckus cost my child and me? Will the chaos created control or change the damage? Will the uproar hurt my child more in the long run? Who would I step on in the process of being heard? What values would I throw out the window to be understood? I needed to stop and clarify what I really wanted. This is one moment. One mistake. There will be many others and when I roar like an angry Mama Bear, what really matters to me is not heard. Lasting and good change I really want is likely to be missed and I will look like a fool. Trying to think clearly was still clouded by anger, but I was trying.

Even though I started down the path familiar to me, God intervened. The email I thought I sent sprinkled with attitude and judgment was not received on the other end. I unknowingly had the email address wrong. When I looked at the automatic undeliverable reply, I realized God was giving me a second chance. At first I thought the second chance was to rewrite the email more to the point deleting the attitude and judgment to be replaced with nameless finger pointing, but the email sat for hours because I had to attend a church service focused on praising and worshiping God. Although my mind’s spotlight was on this problematic situation, I had committed to attending church and knew it was where I belonged. As the band played, I felt thankful of all God has done in my life both past and present. I began to lose heart to resend any email or go down the path of a stress filled fight. God changed my heart because I took a break to focus on Him. Because I was lost in love of a thankful heart, I was unable to find all the anger I carried into church. I could completely approach the situation differently and more as Christ would.

Walking away is hard because no one hears all of the feelings I’m feeling.  In the past, I caused damage to already stressful situations resulting from someone’s error by laying out the fault and describing it in detail.  I think I have done this because it is satisfying to feel validated, but it hurt when I realized I was hurting people past their error. Drawing closer to God, I know God knows and cares about my pain or dissatisfaction. I also know He does not want me punishing others for their sins or mistakes. He wants me to move past what I think is too difficult to approach hard situations with grace and humility. The more situations God puts in my path, I can clearly see the lesson He is trying to teach me to better love like Jesus.

When I returned from church, I deleted the email and had a conversation with my husband telling him I wanted to be different. I didn’t want to be the Mama Bear anymore. I wanted to stand firm for God and sprinkle situations with grace and humility as best I knew how. So when my call was returned the next day, I had a very pleasant conversation free of Mama Bear and much to my surprise the situation had already been worked on. The proper wheels were in motion to find resolution because I let God do what He does best.

I am learning how to be satisfied with God to prevent me from acting out so poorly. Even though I thought the fight was originally worth it, the way I would have approached the situation would have made God’s head hang in disappointment. Although it might have brought on temporary satisfaction and I knew I was right, there was a little part of me that felt wrong. A little tug saying stop.

“Let your conversations be gracious and attractive
so that you will have the right response for everyone.”
- Colossians 4:6

So do we listen to the tug of the Holy Spirit and show grace? Approach situations with humility? Teach our children that every battle is not worth fighting? You have to think about what is going to happen once you expose yourself as Mama Bear and the feelings of the people you will hurt. My life goal is to make God smile with my choices. Each day brings new opportunities. The passion I have inside needs to be used to spread the gospel, teach people God’s love and show God’s love – in all situations.

Last week I had a choice to fight. I chose grace. I chose humility because I choose God and His rewards are far greater than being heard by the world. I want to be a blank canvas so he can paint in me a beautiful masterpiece. I can rest knowing God is in control.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? -Romans 8:31 (NLT)

Therefore, accept each other as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. -Romans 15:7 (NLT)

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. -Colossians 4:2 (NLT)