Lead By Example

Life was crazy as a single mom! There was never a dull moment and always something to do. With every responsibility falling solely on my shoulders, I often felt overwhelmed and overworked. Ultimately I wanted the best for my daughter, but my best intentions did not always show my best.

Most weekday mornings were the same. We prepared ourselves quickly because of the drive I had to make downtown during rush hour traffic. Feeling guilty of dropping my daughter off at a daycare she did not like, I tried to ease the negative feelings with breakfast treats of donuts or whatever her heart desired. One particular morning she requested a fast food breakfast so we made our way down the street and pulled into the drive thru line. The line did not move and I was pinned in with cars lined behind me. The drive thru was strategically designed so you could not escape. So there we sat with the clock ticking.

Especially in those days, patience was not a virtue I easily practiced in nerve racking situations. My daughter got an ear full as my rant began. I explained to her how she needed to be a good employee no matter where she worked or what she did. Although only in elementary, I continued with nonsense about how your personal life or being tired or sick should not effect doing a good job. I went even further to explain in detail about how your bad decisions and laziness affect other people.

I had it all figured out sitting in a line outside the back of the establishment with no clue as to what was really going on. It never crossed my mind they could have had the very best staff and their equipment malfunctioned. No matter the reason, I was furious and now running late. The poor drive thru worker heard my every word of disgust for the wait when it was my turn at the window. With no regard to his feelings, I verbally dressed down the blameless worker with my daughter sitting right beside me.

Although having my daughter’s best interests in mind, I was selfish in my behavior displaying embarrassing conduct I wish to never see her repeat. The best lesson I could have taught her, although many were preached during the wait was respect, humility and compassion. Instead she repeated my words to others. Making it even worse she thought it was okay because I had justified my behavior. In that moment I taught my daughter to be impatient, rude, arrogant and selfish. Characteristics I never want to demonstrate and did not even intend to teach.

Interestingly enough I never would describe myself as a selfish person, yet the definition of arrogance is an offensive display of self-importance. Talk about a hard one to understand. The amount of self discipline and understanding to work myself out of this behavioral predicament was beyond overwhelming, but necessary because I was not pleased with what I was teaching my daughter. I was not proud of the impression I left with others when I acted foolishly with my offensive displays of self-importance.

Once again I had to lower myself to allow the power of the Holy Spirit to create in me a change I knew I desperately needed. I did not really know what I was asking for when I prayed for the shift. I made mistake after mistake during the transformation period and got frustrated. With my entitled like thinking, I was disturbed because I was greatly convicted and accepting my reality was hard. How can I change who I am at the core? Why do I have to change who I am? Why can’t others like me for who I am despite my bad habits?

Such an arrogant way of thinking! Like me for who I am despite my weaknesses and overlook how my bad ways hurt your feelings. I did okay with the little moments where patience and humility needed to be inserted, but I really messed up the moments needing the most self control. I fought God’s correction even when I thought I was relenting. Thankfully the power of God is stronger than my stubbornness!

God had this way of putting other’s shoes on my feet. I don’t mean this literally. I started to feel the way others might have felt because of my actions and words. Previous to my transformation activation I thought leading by example was only for me in the sense of managing my team in the work force. Being a manager, I needed to be at work before my shift and stay until the work was complete no matter the time. Leading by example meant I found solutions when it seemed there were none. Leading by example meant showing what I expected.  Although this is true, it is meaningless if my words, tones and actions don’t show I care for those I lead. What is in my heart speaks louder than any lesson I try to teach. God showed me my heart needed to align with Him in all I do.

I had to rid myself of the anger hindering my heart because those who received my anger where not the ones I was really angry with. Sometimes my feelings get hurt and I struggle to see past my own perceptions. When I struggle through these moments, I leaned on the love of my Heavenly Father. His love is contagious. When we are rightfully focused, what comes out of us is centralized and sprouting from the love of God.

Now others are not embarrassed to be with me during the little moments when a waitress makes a mistake or the wait time seems unbearable. Even more remarkable – others have learned from my words, tones and actions. Not because I was giving a lecture, but because I have learned to approach situations with God’s love. The impression of myself left with others is no longer foolish. In my attempts for change, I have unknowingly motivated and inspired others to change. God knows what He is doing. He is clever in His ways and I am thankful He takes time to make me better.

Let God’s love be distinct when you appear weak.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Father, transform what is weak in each of us to make us strong in your name. May you be distinct in our individual walks so our quiet actions, visible tones and audible words magnify the love you have for each of us. Help our love reach the unloved and may we inspire those who feel unlovable. Make us better God. Fill us with your grace. Help us to model Jesus and His ways better and better each day to further your kingdom. Thank you for the cross making it all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name I constantly pray. Amen. 

How Do You Do It?

Sitting across from my husband he asked, “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”   

“Somewhere in Luke it says to take up your cross daily so you don’t give into your old, sinful ways. How do you do it?”

At first I wasn’t sure if it was a rhetorical question. I

verified if he wanted me to answer and I really couldn’t without thinking about it first.

“I prayed for it. I wanted to live a life surrounded by God and knew such a thing was far too much for me to do alone. What I wanted seemed impossible. I have messed up so many times, even with the best intensions. I was tired of feeling as if I was losing so I asked God to give me that kind of life.”

One of my joys is being able
to spiritually grow with my partner in life. 

I was honored the one person who knows my everything asked me for clarification and real answers on such a personal topic. He sees my relationship with God as something real and genuine. He sees me at my best and worst and he knows that God is the center of my everything. What an honor for my husband to see God when he sees me. I gave him answers as best I could on the spot and our conversation grew more and more rich as we enjoyed our sushi, but it didn’t stop there. His initial question kept ringing in my mind to dig deeper into the real answers. Although I was honored by his observation and the fact he trusted me with that question, I was troubled I could not answer it better.

I think it has a lot to do with my personality for a couple of reasons. I can be alone with God and be okay in the still silence because I don’t feel lonely although no one physically is by my side. I am able to sit with God and be happy with God as my friend. I also like to study my circumstances and situations. I don’t like to shrug things off as coincidental. Not like a history study...boring! I think it is because I often struggle with being too hard on myself. Too often I would say things to myself more harshly than I would a friend or loved one. When I actually said the harsh words out loud for the loved one to hear, they would look at me with disgust for thinking so negatively about the person they love. So I have tried to change that about myself by studying what happens to me as a learning experience. Even if the situation is good, I take mental note of why it went so well. The really cool thing about my spiritual growth is I am learning to take what I have learned from the Bible and Bible studies to relate it to what happens in my circumstances.

How do I do it? I welcome God’s team into my life intentionally almost every day. (I am not going to lie. I fail to be intentional every single day, but thankfully the Holy Spirit intervenes when my intentionality fails me). I have learned I don’t want a day where the Holy Spirit is kicked out. I don’t want to walk into any situation where the grace of God is not sprinkled. I have also given up trying to achieve perfect. Jesus is perfect and all the perfect I need.

I call it God’s team because it helps me identify with the Trinity. No one team member is more important than the other, but my favorite is the Holy Spirit. With the Spirit, I feel as though God is speaking to me. The Spirit reminds me of the sacrifice made on the cross to make me more gracious and humble in my daily approaches. Having a favorite does not shadow any other member of the team because I can’t hear the name Jesus without wanting it repeated. When the name Jesus is repeated, tears form and fall because I love Him so dearly. Knowing it all comes from God fills me with feelings of acceptance and desires foreign to me that feel good and leave me satisfied no matter my day.

How do I do it? I got to know the one I call God. I personally know my Heavenly Father because of my experiences, studies and heart open to Him being greater than myself.

How do I do it? I don’t in a sense. I daily lower myself so God can be big within me. Some days I spend time in prayer with God throughout my day. Some days I need a great deal of Jesus and listen to Christian music every chance I get. Some days I spend a lot of time with books and the Bible. No day is the same in the way I spend time with God because no day’s circumstances are the same. I leave room for different because I know I am better with God and I don’t want to close off any opportunity to hear His voice in a day.

How do I do it? How do I not! What I screw up, God cleans up, but I got tired of Him cleaning up a mess I created. I don’t want Him hanging His head in disappointment as he wipes me clean. I want God patting me on the back with a smile like a proud parent who can’t wait to teach me more. Grateful I learned the lesson.

I am glad I have the opportunity to have such open ended conversation with my husband. We don’t get out on our own enough to have more of these conversations, but every time I have one with him, I welcome the challengingly thoughts. Growing as a couple enhances our personal walk with Christ as we grow closer to God. Just another gift I thank my Heavenly Father for.

God I continue to pray your love would seep into the hearts of those who hurt and lash out with hate. I thank you God for moments like this that give me breaks from feeling pain of the chaos in the world and focus on the goodness you have blessed me with. Help me to not take my husband for granted. Help me to love him well even when it is hard. Bless him for wanting to be closer to You. Thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name I pray. Amen.

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. –Luke 9:23 (NLT)

No Parking

As my walk continued I stopped abruptly. The dog tugged on the leash and looked back with a come on glimpse on his face. A thought suddenly came upon me during a routine walk. I processed the connection of what I had previously read in my bible study to the life I currently live. I had an ah ha moment…

Before God changed Sarah’s name, she grew impatient and began to doubt resulting in Abraham laying with another woman to have the child God spoke so promisingly about. Granted years passed during her wait, but she jumped the gun and caused much havoc on her life, the life of Abraham and even the life of Hagar (the other woman). We all know the story, but for some reason my brain honed into verse 2 of chapter 15 in Genesis. “God has prevented me from having children.”

Wait a minute. Didn’t God Himself promise Abraham a child - as many descendants as the stars in the sky? In verse 2 of chapter 15 Sarah spoke words completely contradictory to the words spoken by God. Audible words! Directly to Moses! So why did Abraham lay with another woman believing her words over God? I find it fascinating how intricately God spoke to Abraham with great detail. God did not leave much room for Abraham to draw his own conclusions or act without clear-cut direction. God was very peculiar with Abraham and there were no specifics of him having a child with another woman. So why did he do it?

If so much time had not passed, Sarah might have doubted a little less. She might have been more faithful in the wait. Her eyes more focused on what God said and less keen to her human ways of thinking. Despite her doubt, Hebrews documents her as a woman of great faith believing God could make the impossible possible. Even with verse 2 of chapter 15 in Genesis. Why? Sarah was a real person with human flaw coupled with great faith. We can learn from her walk. We can relate to Sarah. She was one of us.

God has recently relayed a message to me many times over. Stay home with your kids, raise them well and start writing to share My Good News. Many times the nudge seems crazy and unbelievable. Then God acts. He starts to make things in our life change or happen in a way that shows He is serious. Sure we have a choice to walk the other way, but we strongly feel we need to jump on board. My husband gets his personal nudges to support this crazy God thing and while we believe God to be serious and faithful, it is hard to say no to our impatient thoughts. As Sarah thought it crazy for her to be with child, I often times find it crazy God chose me for this task. I find myself lost in the how and whys of it all – just like Sarah.  My baby is yet to be born, but I learned from Abraham and Sarah to wait for God because His timing and ways are perfect.

I’ve made the Sarah mistake so many other times. Oh the chaos and turmoil I have created in my life and even worse – other people. People I love. When I thought I was doing right, my people were hurt because of my words and actions. It stinks to watch people shed tears I have created. It furthers my anxiety when I see anger sprout from my wrongdoings. My timing was off. My reasoning was selfish and limited.  

Prayer is meaningful movement
while you wait.

I can’t sit idle. There is no time to park. Much is to be learned. Prayer is needed and although prayer can seem like we are doing nothing, we are far from parked. We are calling on our Heavenly Father to work in what seems impossible with a lot of how and whys floating around.

Circumstances can get hard and cloudy in the wait. Think of Hagar running through the dessert in panic because life had gotten so crazy. All because one person got impatient and spoke words with selfish passion and influence. Words shared with emotion and eagerness can make a difference so we need to be focused on our Heavenly Father when we speak for movement and change. We need to be in prayer and conversation with God when things become dismal and questionable.

“Be still and know I am God” does not mean to park and sit idle. Prayer is movement. Prayer provides answer, patience, faithfulness and promise.

Why did Abraham listen to Sarah when she spoke contradictory to God’s words? Why didn’t he reassure her God would come through? Because they were human and we humans can screw things up quickly. Perhaps with good intentions, but we try to play God when it seems God has not come through yet. When the going gets tough, we fall to our human tendencies. We speak words that seem true. We speak them until they seem real and drown out the promises of our Heavenly Father because the wait is hard and we look to our own understanding and reasoning.

So today I am reassuring and stand firm in the fact God will come through. Let’s wait on God’s faithfulness today as we wait in motion. We are not meant to wait doing nothing expecting fireballs to fall from the sky. We need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, learning and growing closer to Christ so we can be sure we acting out his love and his will.

God May our still be only long enough to listen for your will – learning from your Word and feeling the Holy Spirit guide us. Help us learn from stories in the Bible gifted to us to shield us from making mistakes only stumbling blocks on our journey. God I thank you for being close and personal to me in my study time with You. I pray those who have read these words would have time to dedicate to You so they too can witness your presence in their daily life. I thank You for the cross and the Bible that allows our faith to exist and grow. In Jesus Holy name I pray. Amen.

Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means the Lord will provide). - Genesis 22:14

My faith is in Yahweh for I believe He will provide!

Imaginary Friend

When I was a little girl I always felt someone was watching me. Not like a crazy stalker kind of watch. More like a Santa sees you when you are sleeping and knows when you are awake kind of watch. Our small bathroom in the home I grew up in had a white heater built into the wall. We did not use it much or at least Mom did not light it for me. I guess she was keen to the fear I had of catching my towel on fire since the space was so small. When the fire was not lite, I would stare into it as if something was on the other side watching me and could somehow see me throughout the house. Reality was there was a wall with a couch on the other side, but it didn’t stop my curiosity. I guess I was much like a friend of mine from high school. Brian and I laughed as he told me he used to think smoke coming from large buildings was actually ships docked and being repaired. Never mind we lived in Dallas and there was no dock for said ships.

When we were children, we did not have the full understanding of things. Our reality was different than true reality. As we tried to figure things out, we came up with crazy explanations and our mind was blown as the truth was explained. Sometimes the truth was not quite as interesting as what we came up with on our own so we stuck with our version of reality.

So why does God call us to become like little children in Matthew 18:3?

God invites you to be a kid again.

My son has imaginary friends. That is not a typo. Friends. There is Gracie. He tells me she is a girl so when she sleeps over she has to sleep in Sissy’s room. Then there is Jackson, Russell and even his BFG Team. He has a whole invisible team! Last, but certainly not least is Monster. Monster has been with Jacob the longest. He is a multi color person like thing with multi colored hair and can change colors whenever he wants. The doctor tells me this is not only normal, but also very creative so I do my best to go with it. Sadly I have even shuffled him off instructing him to go play with Monster. His friends are completely invisible to the rest of us and although they argue from time to time, Jacob always has his team on his side. He knows they are not real and can’t be seen by others, but it does not stop him from having a relationship with these fictitious characters.

I think God wants us to feel His presence the way a child grows a relationship with their imaginary friends because God gifted us with the Holy Spirit. While imaginary friends are not real, the Spirit of God is undeniable to those who believe. God can generate unbreakable faith if we allow ourselves to be a bit naïve and more simple minded like a child. Releasing little bits of our complicated and stubborn minds to the Lord allows room for God to enter into what we know to be reality. God’s reality is different. God’s reality derives from unsurpassable knowledge. We can trust Him because of his documented grace, love and faithfulness. His reality is superior to anything our minds are capable of understanding or even dreaming.

Interestingly you can introduce new things to a child and they do not question like an older, more educated person would. They don’t work to prove something is wrong verses simply believing it to be true. God asks us to believe in Him just the same. He wants to work in your life in such a way that no one can tell you He is not who He says He is. God is asking you to believe so that His power and perfect love can be a part of your every day life. The Spirit of God can sound like believing in imaginary friends because it is hard to believe in something we cannot touch, see or hear. But we need to say yes to God and His ways every single day of our lives. We need to trust God with our deepest most dark secrets along with our joys and sorrows. Nothing should be off limits to God.

Truth is we can’t see God, but you could not walk up to me to change my belief by telling me the Holy Spirit is not real. You couldn’t make an intelligent enough argument to tell me I am believing in a God that does not exist. I would continually stand firm in my belief that Jesus is Lord and He got dirty feet from walking miles and miles on our earth. I know because I have felt the power of His love. I have experienced the forgiveness in His grace. I have been speechless by God’s beauty countless times leading me to believe in Him more and more. I know God is who He says He is because His truths have come true in my life.

It is irrelevant I have imperfect faith. Saying yes to God and letting Him into my life does not mean I have to achieve perfection first.  God knows I make bad choices and have a lot to learn - like a child. I have not read the Bible cover to cover and make the same mistakes before I learn the lesson, but God still loves and accepts me. My reality does not matter and when I let it, I create stumbling blocks. Understanding bits and pieces is the way it goes. Knowledge is not gained all at once, but when new truths and commands are learned, they can be implemented and shared.

Even though I thought a watcher was on the other side of the heater, I was not completely wrong. Someone was watching. Someone is watching. God sees our every move. He hears every word we speak and even the thoughts we think we keep to ourselves. An invisible God has been hard for me to fully follow. I originally thought I needed something tangible - a physical hug, a real voice sharing words of wisdom and encouragement. Someone who audibly said they understood my pain and told me what to do next would have been so good in some situations. God doesn’t work the way I thought He should have. But the Holy Spirit does it better than I could have ever imagined.

Starting over as a child allows the Heavenly Father to properly parent His child. We must be honest with God. We can’t say yes wholeheartedly without being honest and confessing our sins to God. Some of our wrongdoings are unseen, but some are causing guilt, shame and heartache to you and those around you. Confess to your Heavenly Father. Allow God to compassionately love on you with grace, understanding and guidance to free you from the pain holding you down. He won’t love you less because you have sinned. He won’t turn His back on you with guidelines of becoming better and a checklist to complete before trying to approach Him again. He already knows you are not perfect. Don’t worry about that part because God is going to transform your doubt. He will always accept you with a welcome so freeing you can’t help but smile. 

Lord, help us to take a leap of faith despite what we do not understand. Give us encouragement to trust you with our lives as a child trusts a good parent. Make our sins known to us so that we can humbly ask for forgiveness and turn from our bad ways. Guide us down a path of righteousness. We thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name we pray. Amen.

Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. –Matthew 18-3:5 (NLT)

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. –Romans 15:13