First Day of School

I remember when I was a student and unable to sleep the night before the first day of school. It never failed. Year after year I had a crazy dream of walking around school naked, wondering why everyone was laughing at me because somehow I had no clue.  After waking up embarrassed, finding sleep again was near impossible. My anxious thoughts began to wind around my mind preventing any rest.

Last night was much the same. Luckily I have grown out of the crazy dreams, but my thoughts still ran wild. Did I teach my daughter enough last year to help make this year more successful? Could I have done more for her? How will he do <without me> at his very first day of school? Did I prepare him properly for such a big phase in his life? Did I pray for all the right things?

Time crept as thoughts defeated my sleep. I remained frozen in worry filled thoughts of not being the mother they needed. With the soft sounds of the night I had a chilling yet promising thought. Now was the time to release the string of control of my youngest to the hands of a very capable God.

In recent years our lives have been dedicated to bringing our children up in a home of love, faith, truth and togetherness based off the core principle of God being number one. I struggled with the concept of my son embarking on a new level of independence although so many years have been intentional to prepare for this time in our lives. For four years my son has been in almost everything I do. If I wasn’t with him, I was only a text or phone call away. I felt like I was in control of his everything. I could protect him. Kindergarten means I am far from controlling his routine, expectations and safety. In all the preparing, I was focused on him and failed to look at how my heart would hurt to see him go.

Dominance from anxiety overpowered the hours and became scary because my mind wondered into the dangerous pit of what ifs. Despite my struggle to relinquish authority, the answer and end to my restless thinking was the hope that comes from knowing God can do it much better. He can see my son when I can’t. He can help him feel loved when I am not there for a hug. God can help quiet his anxious mind and focus him when he struggles. I can’t do these things like his loving Heavenly Father. My mind teetered on what was right and wanting to hold on. Eventually I settled. God deserves unrestricted superiority to what belongs to Him whether I am ready or not.

In the wee hours of the morning I silently talked with God and asked to be His partner in creating an amazing son of God with His hand guiding us both. When God and I had the exchange, I could almost visibly see me relinquishing the string of control to God’s hand. I know this is potential to be a daily struggle for some time, but I have faith. Even better, I have living proof.

I handed God the string for my daughter many years ago. With different circumstances, God once again proved his faithfulness to me. Because God so beautifully designed an awe inspiring and remarkable young woman of God, I am forever faithful He will do the same with my son. With God in control, my son will advance in being groomed to be the man God designed him to be.

I am honored to be God’s partner in raising these two amazing children of God alongside my husband. I know it is a daily job and one I do not want to do alone. Even with good intentions, I don’t always get it right. This morning at school, my son walked into the line to wait for his teacher. He looked up for me to see if I was still there with him. When we made eye contact, I motioned him to come back over to me. In the busyness and sea of people, I forgot to hug him. I couldn’t let him go to school without a hug from Mommy! He came back and wrapped his little arms around me to squeeze the tears from my eyes. I held so tight and didn’t want to let go.

“Mommy, I love you, but you are hugging too tight. It kinda hurts.”

God, guide parents to be the Godly example you designed us to be so we can grow a great Kingdom for you. Advise us when we hold too tight and it’s really time to let go. Teach us the importance of your will in a very loud and demanding world that seems to spiral out of control because it moves so fast. Guide us to love each of our children as individuals created and loved by you. Thank you for the gift of new grace each day. Help us to put our grace into practice everyday to love and steward for them no matter the pain and frustration they lay on us.

I pray for teachers who dedicate their days to step in as daytime parents to teach our children to be better humans with expanding brains and capabilities. Please give teachers an extra dose of grace so they can be a great instructor and disciplinarian no matter how their days begin.

Father most importantly I pray for the children. For those attending new schools, first experiences and those who have the hang of things– they all need you. Please send the Holy Spirit to watch over these beauties you have created. Encourage them all to respect others and focus on the importance of learning and growing successfully. God I pray no matter how hard their day, stressful their load or hopeless things may seem, they know of and feel your love. Keep them afloat on your Word taught by loving and humble parents, teachers and caretakers. God we thank you Jesus died on the cross for our sins. We pray in Jesus precious and holy name. Amen.

I could have no greater joy to hear that my children are following the truth. - 3 John 1:4 (NLT)