Dig Deep

Construction is all around. It begins when I leave my driveway no matter which way I turn. New relocating residents purchasing new homes under construction to employ new positions held in buildings constructed from scratch only miles away. New and larger roads are under construction to alleviate the fast growing gridlock.

Before anything can be built, bulldozers and large equipment are required to produce firm foundations. Intense labor moves gradually to imply a completion date is absent from the calendar. Part of the reason a construction sight has little to no change in the beginning is because the ground is dug up to expose what lies beneath. Old dirt must come up in order to build a strong foundation.

Much the same, our old dirt must be taken away. New must be brought in.

Romans 6:6-8 says, “We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.”

Have you ever stopped to wonder what your sinful self is? Not what comes to first thought or at second glance. I am talking deeper than the sin, bad choices, guilt, and shame.

For years I walked around wearing an ornate cross around my neck as I walked into church and taught my kids all about the glory of God. I worked to live the best Christian life I knew. Constantly learning and yearning to know more about the new life I’d committed to. So often I felt as if I was not on solid ground. I knew my foundation was in Christ, but it didn’t always seem as clear. I felt like there was a struggle within.

Why did it feel as though I was in constant battle with myself?

The answer began to settle inside with questions unanswered. What things from my past made me who I am? Why was I so broken? What sinful self did Jesus die on the cross to save?

Dig deep. Find what lies beneath your past.

I discovered I too needed to dig to expose what was lies beneath. I needed to dig deep into what made me who I really was. I supposedly died to self to be made new, but I did not really know what the core of my old self was. I needed to dig although painful. I needed to understand what molded my thought processes. I needed to know why certain characteristics now made me feel comfortable despite negative outcome. I needed to distinguish what was supposedly dead and I unknowingly kept alive.

The process has been slow and distressing. It was nothing short of agonizing digging into childhood finding specific moments in time where my mind molded into anxious ways of thinking. Some moments brought smiles to my face and even laughs of joy. Other thoughts were distasteful and difficult to examine encouraging me to stop the bulldozing. It was the uncomfortable feelings I knew I needed to focus on the most. These were the harmful habits and characteristics I was looking for and still kept alive.

The process is faithfully an ongoing part of my current growth. To help make sense of it all, I write most of what I process so I can go back and review. I find my true feelings of what really happened in the dug up moments when I let my mind run free. Writing makes my thoughts real and something to look back on. The words are something tangible to shape intimate and life changing prayers around to achieve true Godly transformation.

More importantly than the growing pains, digging through the mess has opened my eyes to see so many God touches on my life. The extending grace and love bestowed upon my life has been extraordinary. The activity of unchanging tenderness and guidance to relieve the pain of unpleasant memories has shifted attention to happy thoughts I unintentionally buried with the bad.

God is a good God. No matter my brokenness, frailty and ignorance, God remained complete, strong and wise.

Now the fruitfulness of my faith is standing on a more firm foundation only to be more developed. The Godly confidence strengthens my broken, frail and ignorant foundation. Doing the work to have Christ alive in me even at my very core assures me scripture is alive in me. I wholeheartedly believe I am working to no longer be a slave to my sin.

God make us new. Open our eyes to see what is not our flaw, what is our error and how to transform it all into a beautiful child of God. May the deceit of the world show its true destruction leaving a bad taste in our mouth to lead us to You. Please fill us with your perfect love, calming grace and discerning wisdom. Guide us to take the proper steps and give us the courage to dig deep. May the Holy Spirit guide our efforts and set us free from the power of our sin. We love you so much Father. Thank you for the cross making this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name we pray. Amen.

You’re blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You’re blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That’s right – you don’t go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; then I’d never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I’m going to do what you tell me to do; don’t ever walk off and leave me. – Psalm 119: 1-8 (MSG)