Surrender

It stews inside you. Each situation more dramatic than the first. Chaos begins to increase. Deciphering where each moment ends and begins becomes more complex. Anger dwelling within takes control.

So often we misinterpret our feelings as anger. Being angry puts the blame of unidentified emotion on someone else. Being angry somehow validates our negative emotion because of what was done to us. Being angry allows us to focus on everything surrounding the damaging situation except what we can change. 

Identifying what we can’t change helps narrow our focus on what we can transform.

Why do we get caught up and fixated on what we can’t reverse? We can’t switch someone else’s actions. We certainly can’t shift the thoughts of others with bad behavior. We can’t change medical results. We can’t prevent unfortunate circumstances of nature. We can’t change the date and time and we most certainly can’t modify the true will of God. So why focus on such constant invariables?

Consider the amount of time you spend studying a situation or the individual that made you mad. Think about all the words you have spoken about her blameworthy behavior and how angry it made you. Count how many people you have told of her offense. Acknowledge the hours you spend toiling over the situation to keep it fresh. Think of the thoughts you have had planning sweet revenge or wishing ill will on her. How much time has been spent contemplating how she needs to change to better benefit you?

What good has any of this produced in your life?

Have any of these anger driven forces benefited you or those you love in any way? Has the anger won you anything other than high blood pressure, mounting irritation, grudge holding distress and embarrassment?

Anger gets you in a very bad place and gets you there quick. It gets you so far into the pits of selfishness you don’t always know how you got there or at what point you lost control. Anger changes true perspectives making it difficult to climb out of the pit of despair you stubbornly created. Good deeds and intentions of others are missed. Good things with lasting promise wrapped in truth providing insight fall short and possibly even fuels your anger.  Anger stops you in your tracks from doing what you know to be right.

Anger affects more than just you. Anger prevents others from benefiting from the good you have to offer and forces your suffering on them. Unfortunately those in your anger path are the ones you love the most and don’t intend to hurt. When they lash out because of your anger driven words or actions, they too are added to the stew as the cycle spins out of control.

I have had plenty of moments in life where anger has controlled my thoughts and even my actions. From co-worker to boss, mother to ex-husband, stupid decision to uncontrollable situation. Anger was second nature to me and something I mistakenly became familiar with. Growing up, I lived in a tense environment driven by hurt-filled anger. I was not taught how to venture into my emotion and decipher what I was really feeling. As was demonstrated to me, I lashed out. At first it began as a silent anger. The stew was stirred, ingredients were added and the silence was no longer silent. Foul words began to pour out of me releasing what felt dead and rotten inside making me feel good as the stew poured on to others only to add to theirs. Stew tossed back and forth like an invisible food fight created lasting pain and damaging aftermaths.

Bad choices made by other afflicted souls continually damaged mine. The cycle spins out of control. No one able or willing to hold up the white flag and surrender the anger driven behavior. Each soul desperately yearns for the surrender. Oblivious as to how to even pick up the flag, let alone wave it back and forth to signify turning the fire off under the stew and throw it out.

My unidentified feelings were displayed with angry and embarrassing behavior for all to see. I was hurt. My heart had been bruised. Unaware of how to deal with the pain, I marched on with an exposed and angry heart. My pain sprouted from the behavior of others freely dumping their anger on me. The results of their blameworthy behavior made me who I was.

The thought of how I looked when others instant replayed the look on my face when I shouted in anger made me want to hold my head in shame and run away. The thought of how I made my kids feel when I overreacted to simple situations broke my bruised heart. The thought of how I made God feel with my behavior created lasting guilt. I knew I had the option to be better and hope of becoming someone that made God smile, but I didn’t know how. If only I could pick up my little white flag.

We all have a choice and I made mine.

I made the decision to end the angry cycle in my life. I no longer wanted the stew brewing inside of me. I did not want my kids to feel pain from my unidentified emotions. Although acting out the choice to be different from what I had grown accustom to and felt comfortable with started as a daily struggle, it got easier.

The transformation desired sprouted different flowers of hope. The Holy Spirit held my hand. The Word of God guided my steps of change encouraging me to pick up my white flag and wave it proudly. I began to taste freedom after throwing the stew out.

I came into existence believing God made me who I am – not the mistakes of others.

Start with a prayer. First, let God know you accept His ways and desire to let go of what makes you comfortable, but causes damage in your life. Then ask God to open your eyes to properly diagnosis your anger and unidentified feelings.

This week in addition to prayer, contemplate your stew. What needs to be thrown out making room to pick up your white flag? Next week I plan to share with you how the process of digging deep has worked for me to better control my anger and other pain driven burdens in my life.

You can be better. Find your true existence believing God made you who you are – not the mistakes of others.

God, as wholeheartedly as we know how, we ask for guidance for biblically based transformation. Lasting transformation to rid us of feeling our bruised hearts. May your love surround us and guide our bruised heart to mend and lead with gentle grace and humility. God we thank you for the sacrifices of the cross to make this all possible. It is in Jesus perfect name we pray. Amen.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. - Ephesians 4:2-4 (NLT)

But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything – and I do mean everything – connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life – a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. - Ephesians 4:23-24 (MSG)