Baby Steps

Sweat was pouring from my face. My heart rate was up and I struggled to breath as anyone would after an intense workout. My eyes squinted as pain ran through my right leg. I looked down and huffed because I had only . . . walked . . . five . . . minutes! Frustration mounted as the treadmill barely moved and I struggled to keep up with the sluggish moves of the belt. I so badly wanted to be able to crank up the speed and have sweat from an actual, calorie-burning workout, but I had just learned to walk again after a rare knee surgery and my body was not ready. I was a year into recovery and frustration did not even begin to describe the annoyance and irritability of weight gain and restrictions. I had grown into a depression and had lost hope. Despite the surgeon telling me I would be able to run again, I labeled him as a liar and began to give up.

I went to my doctor for my normal checkup and told him my medication was off or I needed diet pills or something to help me lose weight. I was barely able to get on an exercise bike, was not burning calories with my turtle like walks and I was doing my best to eat right. (Talk about liar! I was eating because I felt sorry for myself while complaining and watching myself enlarge). I did get a look of sympathy from the doc, but that was about it from him. He had the nurse draw my blood just as he did twice a year and told me to start with slow and more realistic goals. Some one in my position had to first accept the facts of restrictions and make changes to achieve results. He suggested I download an app to count calories and start being more aware of what I was eating, stick to physical therapy and gradually add to exercise approved by the surgeon. Of course he was right, but I did not want to hear it. I had to make a change. The first change was mental - the hardest of all changes to make.

Baby Steps

I stomped my feet, whined to family and friends and grew more angry with my stupid situation. I had a pity party with God and told Him the long list of reasons why I felt the way I felt and justified my foolish thoughts and behavior because of what I was going through. In the last seconds of my rant prayer, I asked him for His help with out specifics because it seemed near impossible to me. The cool thing about asking God for help is He hears and cares. Once we ask for His help, He helps! The process seems so easy, but for me I was too stubborn and selfish in my frustrations to simply ask for help. The truth is He doesn't need specifics from us. Through moments like this in my life, I learned when I tell God how to help with specifics, I am playing God. I am blocking the perfect help He is so ready and capable to give. Because of my baby step to ask for help, He changed the way I thought by giving me new desires and the required will power to move forward with literal baby steps showing small progress. A year and a half later I am able to run brace free. What started as a 5 minute, painful walk resulted in the ability to run a few miles brace free.

Extreme thoughts lead to extreme behaviors and lack desired results. I think we do the same thing with our spiritual growth. We say we are going to do all these things that greatly impact our schedules, but are not long lived and lack real growth. Just as a calorie counting app can teach us to make life changing and attainable adjustments, so can scripture for our spiritual growth. Reading the Bible without understanding what is being read can allow the words to fall short. The true meaning and the full impact God desires His Word for us personally can be missed. Taking the time to really understand scripture as an application to life is what builds our spiritual muscles to help us live more like Jesus every day.

Acts 2:38
Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

These words in Acts are not just for a new believer not yet baptized and learning to repent. It is for everyone striving for a better relationship with Christ. It is keeping our baptism in the present and not a thing of the past. We can't be afraid to be honest in God's presence. He already knows of our sin and how it impacts us negatively. We need to tell Him the truth and ask for His forgiveness so we don't feel guilty anymore. No one likes the burden and weight of shame. If we confess our wrongdoings and are honest with ourselves and with God, we will not be help captive to the mental aftermath of the sin. The Holy Spirit is always with you if you gave your life to Christ, but sometimes we don't feel the presence of the Holy Spirit because the sin is eating away at us. Saying I am sorry for the sin rejuvenates the presence of the Holy Spirit because our minds are not fogged with the guilt and shame of the sin. The bonus points that can be applied to this scripture is asking God to show us the sin in our life we do not see. Sometimes the sin we are blinded to, is the sin most negatively impacting to our life.

Psalm 16:8
I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

Psalm 16:8 is about transformation and how we allow The Bible to persuade our life and daily decisions to make a lasting impact. I do know the Lord is always we me, but I have to acknowledge Him and invite Him into my every day. I am not the kind of person that says, "Good morning God." Sometimes I forget to pray or am forced out of bed before I pray, but I do try to pray several times a day. Doing this keeps my mind more focused on what would make God smile. I don't like the feeling that overcomes me when I feel I have made him frown with disappointment. In my life, I have been and will continue to be shaken, but the more I remember He is right beside me, the less I am uprooted from my faith. Focused faith stabilizes my controllable actions noticeable to those around me like my husband and kids who see my every mood and are affected by the behaviors of my emotions.

Difficult and dedication do not define extreme. Enduring and pushing through the hard is what builds character and results. I challenge you to throw out the world forced extreme New Year's Resolution - whatever it may be and swap it with a pray and a different course of action lead by God's Word.

Lord, help me to live less of an extreme life and more of an even paced life guided by The Bible. Help me to have the time to read it, understand it and desire to implement what I learn. May my light shine brighter than ever before and the results of growing closer to you keep me better grounded to make good decisions that impact even those around me. God, thank you for loving me and sacrificing your son Jesus Christ for my sins. I pray these words in His name. Amen.