Decisions Decisions

Sitting in the booth of a favorite restaurant, I looked over the menu although I knew what I was going to order and heard my son talking about his picture menu. He was deciding between two dishes and quickly singled out the grilled cheese. My daughter and husband on the other hand took a little longer to make their choices. The waitress came ready to take our order, but like most times we had to ask for a moment longer. Uncertainty was ever present on both of their faces as they contemplated over their menu. Together they discussed the pros and cons of their options as my son repeated how he was going to order for himself with a smile of confidence on his face.

My son had it all figured out and was ready to act independently because his days are filled with everyone telling him how to spend his time. He doesn't have control over what will take place throughout his day and has to ride out correction after correction. He was ready to make a decision and take action on his own to see his desires reality. Much different from the four year old, my husband and daughter are constantly faced with needing to make decisions with more impact and purpose. It is easier for them to make decisions impacting the future as opposed to what drink and snack they will get from the gas station.

Decisions. Decisions.

Others may related with the struggle of making impactful decisions by getting lost in the indecisiveness of thoughts fueled by anxiety and worry. This is the category I find myself. During hard times in my life after my divorce, I discovered over time I lost perspective of who I was. I didn't know how to think for myself. I didn't know what I wanted out of life or all life had to offer. I didn't know what I liked or disliked and I didn't know how to spend time to make me happy. I was lost and didn't even know it. I was faced with making decisions not only impacting my life, but also those of my daughter.

What if I make the wrong decision?

The fear was mentally paralyzing.

Our lives are driven by the decisions we make. Even if we are dealt some bad cards to make for unwanted situations, we get to decide how we navigate through the unwanted circumstances. I knew the way I used to think was in desperate need of change because I struggled with navigating the direction of my life. While going through a divorce, I experienced what felt like judgment and disapproval. The Bible was used incorrectly about the pain I was causing with my decision to divorce, overlooking the pain I had endured during the marriage. As best I knew how, I turned to the Bible to learn how a wife and child should be treated and how we should all love and be loved. The Bible was used to make me feel more shame, guilt and completely wrong in my decisions. I knew this was not how God intended me to feel so I decided to start reading His Word myself. I was losing all hope listening to others and knew I could not leave it to other people to tell me what God desired for me.

What if I focus my eyes on Jesus and allow God to impact my thoughts and decisions?

12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14a I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."  Jeremiah 29:12-14a (NIV)

Scripture like this reached deep down into my soul. Reading the Word of God gave me comfort I did not know was possible. Despite my shame, fear and wonder of making right decisions, I was secure in His love. No where did the verses say you are wrong. How dare you! You should be ashamed of yourself. They said, "I will listen to you." Such simple words promised something I so desperately needed because no one listened to me. It seemed as if everyone hollered about my imperfections in a situation they were fractionally wise to. God said, "I will bring you back from captivity." I did not know which person in the Bible He was talking to in this scripture, nor did I know what was holding them captive. I was however very aware of my captivity. Reading His words began a release of fear and shame. What I was reading was just enough to read more, trust more and want more. His words made me feel as though He was picking me up, as broken as I was, to release me from my heartache. The Holy Spirit transformed the words I read to warm and allure my heart. The healing of my heart and mind had only just begun. I continued to read His word and be changed by His grace. Slowly I confidently made more wise decisions based on the love I was learning about.

Reading His Word
Released Me From Captivity

We are all God's people. He loves us just the same. Whomever the promise is for in the Bible, the same it can be for us. We may have different situations, but the love of God is the same and can blanket any situation. His promises are not selective nor are they a thing of the past. The Holy Spirit speaks to us just as we need when we make good decisions like reading the Bible as a transforming work of art. My life would not be the same without the presence of God in my life.

If you have never felt the presence of God, I pray your heart is open to see and receive the majesty in His love and acceptance. If you have felt the presence of God, pray God would touch someone else you know just the way they need to point them to the Father. They need His love, comfort and grace just as you once did.

Lord, release us from our captivity. May we seek and find you for true transformation of our heart and mind. God, I pray our decisions would be more Christ focused and driven by your love. Amen.