Reflections

Sometimes things said in sermons on Sunday morning stick to me like peanut butter to a cracker or gum to the bottom of my shoe. It is good stuff and just won't go away. Memory fails me so I would not be able to repeat the phrase word for word. Most time I cannot remember who preached it or what the sermon series was, but certain words have a way of playing in my mind to make me think very deeply on my life.

"No unhealthy person can be in a lasting, healthy relationship."
(Said something like this one Sunday morning by one of my pastors).

When I first reflected on this one, I started to mentally list the unhealthy parts of other people I struggle to have a healthy relationship with. Of course the reason for the struggle was due to their unhealthy issues. I am totally fine and have no part in the unhealthy category. Ha! You can laugh. I know it is a silly and foolish way of thinking. God probably laughs too the way I do when my kids tell me they did their best and I know it was only a fraction of their best. One of the many reasons I love God so much is because He does not leave me thinking so foolishly for very long. It is the moments when I think I have it all figured out when I realize I have it all wrong. He has this way of putting me in front of a mirror and showing me very graciously I too stand in the wrong and unhealthy category.

Last week I told you a little about the recovery I went through after my knee surgery. For me to think I was mentally healthy in those moments is crazy. Even when I knew I was struggling, I stuck a feel sorry for me sticker on my shirt and wore it proudly. I thought others should have excused any bad behavior, words or actions I displayed because of what I was going through with no regard to their feelings. The problem is no one could see this imaginary sticker. Sometimes we are not at our best during times of struggles and expect everyone around us to be at their best for us no matter our disregard for them. During hard times in my life, I have been unfiltered and unaware. This does not make me a permanent mentally unhealthy person, but it leaves me human with unhealthy flaws. Some of the pain endured in my past has left me more unhealthy mentally and caused damage in others I was completely blind to. Sometimes it is easier to point fingers and justify unwanted behavior. Thankfully, the healthy relationships during times like this in my life have weathered the storm. Unfortunately, some did not and will never be the same.

I have experienced humiliation and lack of respect by actions or words of others to later learn the individual was silently suffering through an unimaginable struggle. Relationships are so hard. Wouldn't it be great if we had a super power allowing us to see people with sticky notes detailing more about them? There would be no hidden characteristics. No hidden fears. No hidden past hurt. No hidden abuse. No hidden battles. Nothing hidden. Surely we could get it right with people then, right? Realistically thinking, no. We wouldn't. We would probably get ourselves into more trouble almost like those embarrassing moments on TV where the blind child is yelled at as to hear better. We need to stop trying to overcompensate or justify our wrong behavior and look into the mirror to find the fault we can change. The transformation we so greatly desire in other people is wrongly focused. We need to pray for transformation in our own lives that lines up with scripture.

What if we shifted our prayers and asked God to remove our comfortable blinders? It is painful. It hurts to not have that kind of self-protection. It makes us vulnerable. It makes us cry. It makes us angry and it is no fun to point the finger at ourselves, but it is necessary if we want healthy relationships in our life. We need to take the focus off what others have done to us and focus our attention to the hurt we have caused. We need to focus on forgiveness and grace. I needed God to transform my mind and heart to see His mighty hand at work as opposed to negative should have thoughts cradled by doubt, fear, selfishness and sinful choices. I needed to trust Him more than I trusted myself.

1 Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 2 Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. - Romans 5:1-5 (NLT)

What will your mirror reflect?

We cannot be afraid to dig deeper into the ugly and grueling parts of our past. Our pain should not be a crutch to our life. It will control us if we do not stare it in the face and figure out what past experiences caused the damaging pain. The longer we remain on the crutches of pain, the longer we suffer from the injury. The fear will prevent healing and release of the crutches. We will never be changed and we will never truly experience the grace and forgiveness of God.


Lord, we lift our agony of pain to you. Please help us to be released from the restraints our pain holds us in to be able to experience your grace and forgiveness. May our prayers be heart from our heart even if our words are vague. Thank you God for your love. May it flow through our pain like a breath of fresh air. Amen.

26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. - Romans 8:26-27 (NLT)