No Hard Feelings

My church has an indoor playground for young kids like my son to play. I had a love/hate relationship with the playground until I realized the benefits for my son. He learns to play with others his age, some older and even some younger. This extra social time is important to him because he does not attend preschool. Realizing this advantage, I sit reading or working on a Bible Study while he plays and my daughter and husband serve in their respectful positions. During my son’s playtime Sunday morning, he walked up to me with a distraught and troubled look. He was sad and felt bad he hurt another little boy. He didn’t hesitate one bit when I reminded him the nice thing to do would be to apologize. I followed him as he made his way to the little boy. As we approached the little boy cried in his dad’s arms.

“I am sorry I hurt you,” my son said wholeheartedly and sincerely. The little boy stopped crying, turned to him and said, “it’s okay.” Just like that parents were smiling and little boys were happy again resulting in everyone able to walk away with no hard feelings.

As we sat down with snacks, I reinforced rules of fair play. Nodes of reassurance followed. I moved his hair to the side of his forehead and noticed he too suffered an injury. He had a large red bump beginning to protrude from his little forehead. What was misunderstood as fault began to show truth of only an accident. My son – God’s son – felt his fault over his pain; therefore, he was able to reach out and say he was sorry. He did not point fingers or try to excuse his behavior. He did not walk away brushing it off as an accident dismissing the tears. He took action to recognize his fault in the situation and followed by stepping out with acts of forgiveness.

So often we are too hot and bothered or perhaps even controlled by the hurt we’ve endured overlooking the hurt we have caused.

My son is no different than other children. I am in no way saying he is better than any other little boy on the playground.  After all, the little boy he apologized to could have returned his apology with mean and hurtful words followed by rude gestures. Instead he chose to forgive and move on with a smile. I have no doubt these boys will play again together with no mention or at least no hard feelings of the bumps and tears.

Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. - Matthew 18:3

This verse in Matthew is a reminder we need to first turn from our sin rather than excuse our sin. Second it emphasizes our need to be more like children. Not childish and immature, but docile and teachable. Children learn not only because they are impressionable. They yearn to learn and want to make us happy and proud around guidelines and supervision. We need to become less so our God can become more. (John 3:30) Putting God first will transform our transgressions and heal our pain, but we have to be willing to put Him above the transgression and pain.

When we make our situations and life about the wrong people have done to us, we build ourselves up in our mind to have little or no fault. We are too blinded by the sin others have committed to see our own. We make excuses for our sins or perhaps don’t see it as sin or hurtful because it makes us feel better. Our focus is not on the pain we have caused. More importantly our focus is not on God.

Christ Jesus sacrificed his life for your sins. (Romans 5:8) He also died on the cross for the person you are most angry with. He died for the person who hurt you terribly and he even died for the person you need to apologize to. He loves us all the same. We all have access to His love and grace. How we let His forgiveness, love and grace impact our life is up to each one of us personally. It is not easy. The lies of the world so often get in the way preventing us from thinking beyond our perspective. To make it even more complicated, things like forgiveness and love are not always taught according to the Bible. When we read and start to apply what we learn, we might experience the clash because our new applications are either new to the people in our lives or our environment. Perhaps forgiveness does not go the way we thought it should because we expect too much of it. Subconsciously we may try to control the other person to act the way we think they should after we apologize. We may even sit and wallow in our feelings until they make the first move and apologize. So many reasons make it hard because Satan does not want us to forgive. Forgiveness means we are close to God and something he does not want. He will do everything he can to try and prevent the complete act of forgiveness. Our focus has to remain on God.

God will help us grow a desire to let the hurt go. He will help us cultivate a heart and words of forgiveness. God can grant peace, almost indescribably, after we release the anger with no expectation of anything in return from others.

Forgiveness and apologies do not mean everything will magically be fixed and back to awesome once the words are exchanged. So much more has to be done with a massive amount of prayer and acceptance of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives and the lives of those involved. Forgiveness is a key step in the right direction toward more peace and respectability. When our hearts are fixated on Jesus and our desires are biblically based, action follows the willing heart for transforming results. With God anything is possible, but we have to take an active roll. We can sit and talk about how great God is and the impacts of the Holy Spirit, but then what? We can’t expect God or other people to do all the work for us to magically impact and change our life. It is up to each one of us to take the responsibility.

Don’t forget, we don’t expect children to be perfect when they learn something new. Remember you don’t start off with, nor will you reach perfection. Ease the reigns. Try.  Fall. But get back up to try again! Pray, listen, read, act.

My son could have easily been upset by the bump on his own head and the pain it caused. The other little boy could have forever been mean to my son despite the apology.

What will you do?

Pray the Holy Spirit would infuse these words for impactful change in your life.

We love each other because he loved us first. – 1 John 4:19

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. -Romans 3:23 (NIV)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9 (ESV)

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. - Matthew 6:14-15  (NIV)

(Not that God is telling you no, but your heart has to be right. A heart of anger is not right with the Lord.)

Lord, we pray wholeheartedly these words would be understood and taken personally. Please help us all to become wise in forgiveness to build integrity for us and those we influence. Thank you for forgiveness of my sins. Help me to share it with those who have hurt me. Help me to be honest with you about my faults. Keep me teachable to learn next steps so my application would not fall short. Please help me to recognize the clashes so I don’t take them personally followed by endurance to keep going despite the bumps and discouragement along the way. Thank you so much Father for loving me and sending your son for forgiveness. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen.